Monday, October 18, 2010

We've got cameras on Mars on space patrol. Controlled on Earth by remote control.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--31 points to the f’n Kansas City Chiefs?!? Thankfully 35 points for the Houston Texans. ¡Que milagro! Offense, thanks for showing up and looking like last year’s version even if it took a while to get warmed up. Defense, you guys embarrassed yourselves. Pathetic. Weak. Inexcusable. I don’t care what percentage of blame Frank Bush deserves or Gary Kubiak or Rick Smith or the players I just want that pitiful excuse for a “defense” to stop. Rush 10, Drop back 10, do the “Single Ladies” dance, throw Brice McCain over the line to blitz, just do something because to my limited football mind the defense looks less like a “bend, but don’t break” and more like “bend over and get penetrated.”

Special thank you to Kansas City for not throwing even more often in the first half, for not kicking deep to Steve Slaton for whatever reason and thank you to Matt Cassel for not looking at a wide open Dwayne Bowe on that 3rd down incompletion that got the Texans the ball back for the game winning TD.
One more thing, I know it was a pretty day Sunday and I guess it was supposed to below 79 degrees or something, but when that sun beats on you for hours it gets old. Just because it’s not 90 doesn’t mean the glaring sun doesn’t wear you down. I’ve never heard one person who gets baked in that sun say they’re glad the roof is open. Usually it’s media calling out fans, media which sits in the air conditioned press box with free beverages to keep hydrated. That media can just STFU.
Get well DeMeco.

--Okay Mad Men, what have you done with my Don Draper? The Don I know doesn’t smile or feel genuine happiness or enjoy pool time with his kids or get engaged to his secretary or be so open about it in the office or admit Dick to anyone. Crazy, crazy finale with one of the biggest Ho-ly Sh-it moments of the series when he proposed to Megan. Just wow. At first I was like okay, maybe Don is dreaming or maybe Megan is dreaming or maybe Tony Soprano is dreaming, wait is Don really Kevin Finnerty?!

Oh sad little Betty who made up an excuse to see Don because Henry is being mean to her and she realizes she may have been better off just sticking it out with Don in the first place. Serves her right for treating Carla like that.
I guess Joan really did have that change of heart about having Roger’s baby which should make for some interesting times whenever we pick up the story next. I loved her and Peggy talking, but not playing verbal games with underlying meanings, but just dishing about the office. One of the best scenes ever for either of them.

I was kind of hoping we’d get a little 60’s Disneyland on our screen, but nope.
Two best burns:
Henry to Betty: “No one is ever on your side.”
Faye to Don after hearing about the engagement: “I hope she knows you only like the beginnings of things.”
It’s pretty remarkable that this show has only gotten better with each passing season. I think if ranking my favorites I’d barely put 4 above 3 then 1 above 2. I can’t wait to see when we go next.

Not sure when Lane Pryce is in this picture.

--I loved Rubicon the season. I really kinda hated Rubicon the finale. First off if you blinked you missed Kale. Huh? One of the most pivotal, interesting characters on the show and he barely gets screen time in the season finale?

What the hell was the point with Katherine Rhumor if she doesn’t give the DVD to Will? All season we stuck with Katherine and her amateur, sometimes boring sleuthing because surely there would be a pay off. Nope. She has a DVD in her hand and Will doesn’t grab it? And what was the deal with Will’s neighbor lady friend Andy? It reeked of having a twist for the sake of having a twist. Will’s talk with Truxton at the end should have been the penultimate scene with Spangler walking back down to his office, seeing the flowers and then the four-leaf clover dropping to the table.

The briefcase conversation seems so long ago...

I really, really enjoyed a lot of things about Rubicon and highly recommend watching it, but that season finale was very unsatisfying. I hope it gets a second season because I don’t want that finale to be the lasting memory of an otherwise great ride.

--Really 110 texts a day from the average teenager?! I’m pretty sure that’s low.

--For the punishment he takes I’m not sure if Jay Cutler is more like Micky Ward or The Korean Zombie.

--I have never been to a funnier stand up show than Aziz Ansari. He killed it from beginning to end with Harris, obscure racial slurs, hitting on women, Kanye and the best part? Someone yelled out for a Randy appearance and he said, how about you just shut the f*** up? I’ve never been a big Randy fan so that made my night. In his encore he solicited requests from the audience and I completely dropped the ball by not yelling out for his thoughts on Outsourced. He would have heard me considering I was in the second row. Best $30 I spent all year. I can’t wait for this show to air or be put on DVD or whatever because it was awesome. The below clip will lead you to more from the show…

“Yeah, it’s a problem I wanted to ride those rides!”

“Once you’re a father the f’n macaroni and cheese days are over.”

--Sometimes the little cameos on The Soup fall flat. That was hardly the case this week for Donald Glover and James Murphy of LCD Soundsystem who is one hilarious, dry-witted guy.

--We head to North Carolina for our Tiny Snitch of the Week. It seems a 5th grade student was listening to a speech from a D.A.R.E. police officer and it home. So the 5th grader showed up at school the next day and brought some of his parent’s joints with him. Yeah, the kid’s parents were then arrested on some misdemeanor charges and the two kids were taken away by social services.

--Never thought I’d see a Sunday where the Rams, Seahawks and Niners would all win. What’s next Matt Cassel throwing for three TDs? Pfft, like that’d ever happen.

--Has anything been more money than the 2:30 pm college football games the last three weeks?

--The Texans are allowing opponents to complete 68.9% of their passes. Damn if we just had Dunta….the Falcons are allowing 68.5% completions.
Good luck to Dunta, Desean and all the other guys who were knocked silly this week.

--The Panthers and Bills are winless so obviously their point differentials suck at -58 and -74 respectively. Next worst is the -50 thrown up by Arizona which is of course 3-2 and atop the AFC West.

--I’m terrible at remembering names, dates, places, well just terrible at remembering. So whenever I do have kids I hope they make it easy on me and have birthdays like the Soper kids in Michigan. Three kids with birthdays of 8/8/08, 9/9/09, 10/10/10. They will not be going for 11/11/11. Slackers.

--I have zero interest in ever checking out Wolverine. I have great interest in checking out anything from Darren Aronofsky. So Wolverine 2 directed by Darren Aronofksy is not computing in my brain.

--I watched Youth In Revolt the other night. My bad.

--A 300-style version of Christopher Columbus from McG?! Uhhhh, no thanks.

--One of the many things that confuses/entertains me about Twitter is the people who complain about their friends sucking for various reasons. Do their friends who follow them think “oh he/she is talking about someone else.”?

--Do the Panthers need the Texans on their schedule or what? They’re going from the QB (Jimmy Clausen) who was completing 47% of his passes back to the QB (Matt Moore) who is completing 42%.

--I’d like to congratulate Colt McCoy on still being alive. Same with Junior Seau.

--Oh yeah, one more thing…the Cowboys are 1-4. Tee hee.

Questions, comments or if you’re not going to double-check but you heard a nasty rumor Rice beat UH…


  1. Being the son of Richard Harris pretty much explains that picture of Lane Pryce.

    I can't remember what I thought of Youth in Revolt, so I guess that pretty much tells me what I thought of it.

    My first thought during the Peggy/Joan scene was "yep that's pretty much what women think of other women."

    I'm gonna have to put the Diatribes on probation for an inexcusable use of Tee hee.

  2. Holy crap, never put that together that Jared was Richard Harris' son. Yep, explains a lot.

    For "tee hee" I was trying to go for the complete opposite of bwaaahaahahaa, which for some reason I can't stand.

  3. Anonymous8:27 AM

    From what I understand the stadium was open due to the pregame flyover for Armed Forces day.

  4. And that's always a cool thing but I don't see why it couldn't be closed after they landed.
    We're air conditioned since birth Houstonians. And if u want loud crowd noise then shade more than 40% of the stadium at kickoff


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