I've been dropping the new science and kicking the new knowledge. An M.C. to a degree that you can't get in college.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--I finally caught up on Damages and it was great to see a little old school Arthur Frobisher and Patty Hewes. The guy who was acting the part of Ray Fiske was a pitch perfect imitation of Zeljko Ivanek in the first season. I mean it was like hearing a voice from the TV grave. It seems like a lot to wrap up in two weeks because I have no idea where they’re going with the Frobisher movie or Patty’s architect. First season of Damages was great, second season good, this season looks like it’ll be closer to the great of the first. Unfortunately there may not be a fourth. It got too expensive for FX which is easy to understand considering the cast the show has put together every season. Apparently though there’s a chance this could end up like Friday Night Lights with DirecTV financing the show and airing it first before it airs elsewhere. That’d suck.

--Spartacus is finally adding some much needed swerves and scheming that Rome did so damn well. Did not expect my girlfriend to start watching and like it or at least like the way Spartacus and Crixus look.

I don't think this is the Starz version seeing as how they're not nekkid, not bloody, not scarred and have facial characteristics of smiling.

--I wasn’t excited about a Glee Madonna episode….and then I found out Jane Lynch is doing Vogue. Perfect. Kristin Chenoweth back for an episode will be nice.

--Damn, Conan. TBS?! I have no idea where that is on my channel guide, but it makes no difference. You’re on opposite Daily Show and Colbert, oh well I’ll check you out when those are on repeats.

--Treme had a solid debut although I’m not sure why it needed to be a 90-minute debut. If you went in expecting cops and pushers and Wire I’m sure you went out as soon as the trombones started playing. Didn’t expect to see Lester Freamon as a Mardi Gras Indian. Awesome. Of course the entire cast was pretty strong and yeah the music was great. David Simon wrote a letter to New Orleans explaining some of the liberties he took during the show. One such had to do with a Hubig’s pie. Apparently those are a big f’n deal and Hubig’s took some time to re-open and weren’t available a mere three months after the disaster like was implied. I also liked the chef saying, “No f’n frozen Chinese crawfish in my restaurant!” That chef was Kim Dickens who was Landry’s mom on Friday Night Lights and was also on Lost and Deadwood. If she was on The Wire I’d probably have to stalk her. All the food references are going to be fun to keep an eye out for. I highly recommend bookmarking this to get an idea of just what the hell some of those references are. Good stuff, although I’ll be watching Breaking Bad live and Treme the day after…at least until I hear McNulty is putting on the Mardi Gras Indian costume.


--I was talking to a friend the other day about Life on Discovery and he said he liked Oprah’s narration. Not really. You didn’t believe it for a second, did you? Helluva series though. Those komodo dragons were a lot meaner than the one in The Freshman. Boxer crabs wear sea anemones as gloves to capture prey?! Awesome. And Bullhorn “Fisherman” Bats are just not really fair now are they?


--Rest easy tonight America, apparently the second season of The Jersey Shore is going to end up actually in Jersey towards the end of the season. It’ll start in Miami, like you didn’t know that already.

--I finally got a chance to knock something out on my Watch Instantly. Been waiting to get to Bronson about the UK's most notorious prisoner. It was a lot more different than what I was expecting in terms of direction and overall it was aight. Tom Hardy as Peterson/Bronson was fantastic in a very Bill the Butcher way. Apparently that role was going to go to Jason Statham, but that didn't work out and really the results could not have been any better.

--My Table magazine's last issue had a taste test of grocery store tortilla chips. Its winner was Xochitl. I tried them this weekend and oh hell yeah Xochitl FTW. The blue corn chips are particularly good and have a much better texture than Central Market's brand. And if I like something over Central Market's brand that's saying something. Thin, crispy, right amount of salt and in a bag that seals back up pretty good. There are worse bags to open at 2am.

--From Kim K. to Jessie James? Reggie Bush’s life is a good one.


--UFC 112 was one strange show. First things first, 50-45 Edgar over Penn is just ridiculous. I gave BJ those first two rounds, but he never seemed interested in taking it out of the judges’ hands. BJ just didn't seem right really all night. It was just one of those nights where Penn just didn't show up like he had been. But, of course, you have to credit Frankie Edgar for winning even if it was in uninspiring fashion. Then Anderson Silva happened. I mean, just pathetic. At first the showboating was fun, but round after round of it was unnecessary and in poor taste. It only got worse with Silva's bicycle routine in the 4th and 5th round.
Really Anderson?! Demian Maia has one eye completely shut and a nose that was crushed like paper mache and you actually run so damn much the ref threatens to take a point away?! You must be so proud.
Why we were given Matt Hughes and Renzo Gracie I'll never know. That was excruciating, not to mention their in-Octagon behavior was more along the lines of an awkward first date.
Not that we weren't aware of this, but Phil Davis is a bad, bad man.

--Of course I'm down with a Mulholland Drive sequel. I'm gonna need something to confuse the hell out of me once Lost is over.

--It really is amusing that no matter what stupid bells and whistles they attach to his segments Rick Reilly is still a FAIL for ESPN. "Riled Up," yeah okay.

--The Human Target aka Jack Devereaux aka Mark Valley and Fringe’s Anna Torv are no longer together. Wish I had stuck with Fringe for more than just a few eps in its first season. Torv was also Virginia Grey in The Pacific episode this past week.


--I’ve seen some college lacrosse games on one of the ESPNs lately so that must mean Memorial Day is around the corner. Always love watching the title game that Monday between Johns Hopkins, Syracuse, Duke, Virginia, North Carolina or some Ivy Leaguer. I’m not a big fan of coach Bruce Arena, but I am a fan of Westborough High School lacrosse coach Frank Arena. His boys lost 14-1 and the next day at “practice” coach had 9 of his players, one at a time, stand in goal (equipment on) while he started firing away shots directly at them. All they had to do was catch one and they could get out of the net. Yeah, that coach is suspended. Maybe Brad Mills should line up the Astros hitters and fire fastballs directly at their bodies until they can fend a ball off by making contact with their bat. Seriously the tell-tale sign of 0-6 is 43 strikeouts while only walking 5 times. Pathetic.

--Drayton is going to have a helluva job getting butts in the seats. One thing that’ll get me to purchase something at the ridiculously overpriced concession stand is the pretzeled beauty below that sells at Dodger Stadium. The Victory Knot contains two pounds of dough topped with sea salt and for dips we have beer cheese, chipotle honey mustard and for some reason sweet cinnamon crème. I would destroy this.


--Our Dumbass of the Week comes to us from a White Castle in Ohio. The classy William Ferris paid a prostitute $50 for the works. However he didn’t receive all the $50 favors he was looking for as he wanted more than just a little oral exam. So what to do, what to do? Dumbass called the cops and said he was robbed. Yeah, that didn’t work out good for him. Pretty funny that he said it was the prostitute’s idea to head to White Castle. Why? Because the bathroom doors have locks on them. Sounds like an advertising point for you White Castle.
Click through to see said Dumbass on Smoking Gun.

--Almost time to start paying attention to the NHL as the Stanley Cup Playoffs creep closer, which means there's already a line out the door at Maple Leaf Pub.

--The Masters was incredible for the final six holes Saturday and Sunday was pretty strong as well. Yeah Phil kinda wrapped it up before the final hole, but if anyone can blow a 2 or 3 stroke lead with a couple to play it’s Phil. I wish I had entered that promotional sweepstakes at Golfsmith to get a free Calloway driver with a Mickelson Masters win. Crazy.

--Life and Times of Tim last week with Aziz Ansari and Bob Odenkirk. Best non-priest sketch of the new season.

Questions, comments or if over the weekend you were mesmerized by the Dyson Air Multiplier for about 15 minutes until you saw the pricetag….