Thursday, August 14, 2008

Sheriff's posse on my tail cause I'm in demand

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Because you can't get enough of this...

--How about Nastia and Shawn? Eat it, I'm looking at you China.

--You've probably seen Michael Phelps' quote about all he does is "eat, sleep, and swim" and he wasn't joking about that order. Dude throws down 12,000 calories a day. The NY Post ran through his daily menu. For breakfast he throws down the real Breakfast of Champions, three fried egg sandwiches made with cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, fried onions, and mayo. Then another breakfast with a couple of cups of coffee, a five-egg omelet, bowl of grits, lots o' French toast, and three chocolate chip pancakes. Lunchtime is a pound of pasta, two big ass ham and cheese samiches slathered with mayo and for dessert a 1,000 calories worth of energy drinks. That growing 23-year-old boy then heads to dinner and throws down a pound of pasta, a pizza and another 1,000 calories worth of energy drinks. I'm not sure if he's the best athlete in the world, but if he beats down Chestnut and Kobayashi next July 4th I'll be convinced.

--In case you forgot Paraguayan javelin thrower Leryn Franco is still the hottest woman from the Guay? The Para? The PG? The P-Guay?

--The hottest Olympian from the Spain, well besides Pau Gasol is rhythmic gymnast Almudena Cid. The team award goes to Germany with Nicole Reinhardt, Katharina Sholz, Petra Niemann and Romy Tarangul all posing for Germany's Playboy, presumably Das Playboy. The Sun has das madchen ich liebe...NSFW in any language
Thanks to WithLeather for tirelessly spreading the word of peace, harmony, and hot ass that the Olympics are all about
Nicole the kayaker...

--Yeah, Alicia Sacramone had a rough Olympics, but do you wanna talk sh** to her?

--In other Olympic news and by news I mean hot athletes not from America. I saw Laure Manaudou's story the other night on NBC and it had everything you could want. Hot French athlete who won in Athens, hooked up with an Italian swimmer, left France for Italy last year only to be shunned by the Italian swimming coach, break-up, back to France and racing in the 2008 Olympics against the Italian swimmer who stole her man. The part NBC left out might be the best part of all. When she and that a-hole Italian Luca Marin broke up within hours nude photos and a sex tape featuring Manaudou popped up online. Gee I wonder if Marin might have "leaked" those? Manaudou wasn't expected to medal in anything and she was leading the 400m freestyle finals halfway home before collapsing. Later this week the Frenchie has the 200M backstroke.

--Congratulations India after 80 years of almost you finally got yourself a gold medal. Although honestly shooting events are the stupidest events the Games have to offer.

--The head of Australia's Olympic Committee was asked about Great Britain's success in the pool and remarked that it was an impressive showing for a nation "short on pools and soap." Eat it Great Britain!

--Your Understanding Wife of the Week comes to us from Beaumont. It was there that Officer Keith Breiner was part of an undercover investigation to bust up a prostitution ring. He claims the department asked him to have sexy time with the girls. So being the good cop he is, he went through with the relations. His wife said that he was simply following orders. That is your Understanding Wife of the Week. The spas were raided a month after the "investigation" and Breiner was suspended after Internal Affairs stuck its nose in Vic Mackey's Breiner's business.

--Vinnie Chase lost his girl Isabel Lucas to Shia? Apparently she was the chick who was with Shia when his car went boom-crash.

--Later this month pro golfer Tripp Isenhour is expected to enter a plead before the month ends. In March he entered a written plea of not guilty. If you don't remember what this was all about. Tripp was on a course filming an instructional video when some bird wouldn't shut its big yapper. So Tripp did what any professional golfer would do. He lined up that endangered species of hawk and put another notch on his driver. He was charged with animal cruelty and killing a migratory bird. And apparently you DO NOT want to do this in Florida where those charges could result in combined 14 months of jail and $1,500 in fines. Can't we just watch Tripp take 100 Tiger tee shots to the groin?

--Not only is football getting closer and closer, but I saw on Jared's Brawl Sports Blog on the Chronicle's site that the next edition of The Ultimate Fighter is with the coaches being Frank Mir and Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira begins September 17th.

--Jason Kidd and model May Andersen are no more.
Marissa and May in the middle.

--The next edition of America's Next Top Model will have a transgender contestant so you have that going for you.

--Wait, when Leno moves over for Conan next year Jay may move to ABC, which would bump Kimmel back an hour and completely dump Nightline?!

--Of course, an updated version of Hawaii Five-O is in the works.

--Love Darren Arofonosky. Love wrestling. Love strippers. Love Marisa Tomei. So a Arofonosky movie titled The Wrestler and starring Marisa Tomei as a stripper might be the greatest movie of all time.

--Seriously, Chad Johnson wants to legally change his last name to Ocho Cinco?!

--Leah Remini is getting her own talk show?!

--Someday the Idocracy prophecy brought forth by Mike Judge in the movie will come true and I will expect elections to be determined by which candidate's bobblehead is chosen more by voters. Seriously, who isn't going to vote when the opportunity to get a free bobblehead is there? Toss in a free t-shirt and you get 100% voter turnout. By the way, Obama defeaed McCain in bobblehead voting in six minor league ballparks.

--Best way to get over with your teammates, well besides helping them win. Vince Young passed out copies of Madden 09 to those teammates who wanted them Tuesday.

--You're a Jets fan, so you've been through some hard times, you wake up, pick up the paper and see this headline "Jets find solution for breast-exposing problems". How do you not take your life then and there? The Man also curbed down tailgating from 7 to 5 hours. Although why you'd want to wake up at 3 AM in order to get to the stadium by 4 for your tailgate is beyond me. They also cut beer sales off at the half.

--Danny Bonaduce and porn star Raquel Devine are opening up a restaurant?! By the way, maybe you saw Dallas Buck get traded for Adam Dunn. Dallas Buck sounds like something that the porn name generator spits out.

--Mom of the Year Dina continues to add to her impressive resume what with 14-year-old daughter Dina reportedly sporting new implants.

--Our Crazy M'fer of the Week comes to us from the Minneapolis area. Just several years ago 14-year-old Andrew Busskohl was the recipient of a successful heart transplant. Nowadays, well Andrew has kind of changed. Seems the years have hardened him now that he's 18. A friend ratted him out...and that's a good thing. One night last week a guy reported a broken window, next day a friend of Andrew's went to the police. Apparently Andrew had a very detailed murder plan that began with a broken window. After Andrew breaks-in the plan was for him to be dressed like he knows every C.S.I. episode by heart. Then he would "cut out his heart"....or "cut off his eyelids." Andrew didn't have anyone particular in mind, but just someone close to his house that he didn't know. Police questioned him and he had everything needed to execute his plans including "a backpack with a swimming cap, heavy latex gloves, scrubs, gauze and Fratto's (guy whose window he broke) address along with a map to his house as well as shoe covers, a small pry bar, black mask, two bags, a knife and flashlights, as well as tweezers, scissors and a scalpel. Yeah, he's under mental evaluation about now.

--Jessica Simpson misread a positive pregnancy test, but only realized the mistake after she and Tony told his unenthusiastic parents?

--Woulda rather seen The Magic Hour instead of a Magic speech. I was unaware he was on Dallas' staff. Tracy Phillips is quite a talented actress, no?

--Is there a bigger idiot than Deshawn Stevenson in the NBA? When he's not giving alcohol to underage girls or talking smack to LeBron or pimping Soulja Boy he's making YouTubes lip-synching to Usher. I'll spare you that video.

--Six Flags was going to have a cockroach eating contest as part of its Fright Fest fun for Halloween. Was, until PETA asked them not to. For once PETA got its way. Remember Astroworld? Yeah, a big F U to whoever is to blame for there now being a big vacant lot across from the Dome.

Questions, comments or if Kyle requested more hot ass on your blog...

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