Wednesday, July 09, 2008

I Go Off Like Nothing Can Phase Me

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Tips of the hat to Rafael Nadal and Roger Federer. That was just amazing. Hell, I might have to find where I put my old racket. Just an incredible performance by two guys playing at an amazing level of play.

--Forrest F'n Griffin! I thought he eked out that victory against Rampage, but either way it was a thrilling 25 minutes. Has Chris Lytle stopped bleeding?

--Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green no more after four years?! You f'd up Silver.

--To most of us July 4th is a time to celebrate America's bad assness and undefeated war record (sorry, but war records stopped being kept by this historian after WWII). So yeah, fireworks, hot dogs and good times....except in Falmouth, Mass. Red Sox fan takes no holiday and takes no hostages. A guy with his wife and two kids in the car are stuck in traffic after leaving the fireworks show in Falmouth. Some Sox fans notice the car has New York plates. Not A-Rod personalized plates or big ass Yankee logo across the back windshield, but simply New York plates. Your Dumbass of the Week Robert Correia approached the car with some others. Robert started accusing the driver of supporting the Yankees and then proceeded to beat alleged Yankee fan down in front of his kids. Dumbass also tore up the car for good measure. The guy had to be taken to the hospital while Dumbass faces charges that should land his ass in jail, but will probably get him Fenway tickets down the first base line.

--Rose McGowan and Robert Rodriguez done?! Jessica Alba stepping in for Rose in Barbarella?! That's a good thing.

--Huey Lewis did the theme song for Pineapple Express?! Out-standing! Between this and Tropic Thunder it should be a funny summer. Now how many more hours until The Dark Knight?

--Apparently Smash and Street are going to have four episode arcs as they turn the chapter on Dillon High next season.

----Everyone last week was talking about that breaking news that Brett Favre may return. Well if you didn't expect that then you were naive. The real breaking news is that Shannen Doherty may be back as Brenda Walsh on the new 90210, which has so many oldies returning I hesitate to call it "new." Meghan Markle from Deal or No Deal in the new 90210?!

--Ana Ivanovic in FHM UK?!

--DeNiro is talking Good Shepherd sequels? That's a good thing.

--Your Dumbass Police Department of the Week comes to us from Nawlunz. There 35-year veteran Bobby Guidry was retiring. On his last official day he wore the powder blue cop shirt that he wore for three decades. The uniform now is all black. Who cares, right? Bobby said he wore it to honor the many officers who died in those powder blue shirts and he wore that powder blue to all of their funerals. He didn't think it would be a big deal. He was wrong. A formal complaint was filed and a freakin' investigation began 15 minutes before Guidry would have rode off into the sunset. Now he's been suspended, won't receive his commission, and he was refused acceptance into NOPD's reserve unit. He was told to write a letter of apology to the police chief and he rightly said why? Oh yeah, by the first of next year the department is going back to the powder blues. Huh?!

--Oh dear Lord, why exactly is a Red Dawn remake in the works? Like Patrick Swayze, Charlie Sheen, C. Thomas Howell, Lea Thompson, Jennifer Grey, Harry Dean Stanton and Powers Boothe didn't already perfect that movie 24 years ago.
Your Red Dawn was the first movie to be rated PG-13. It was actually entered into the Guinness Book of World Records for having the most acts of violence in a film to that point (2.23 acts per minute explaining its awesomeness).

--Congratulations to Wisconsin's Supreme Court for stepping up to the plate and making necrophilia a crime. The court ruled 5-2 in outlawing it. Seriously 2 judges apparently close to death don't want that to stop their sex afterlives. This came up because of a couple of sick twin brothers who I'm sure I wrote about a couple of years ago when they were busted breaking into a cemetary with shovels, a crowbar and a box of condoms (ribbed for dead people's pleasure or maybe they went warming sensation for obvious reasons).

--In good remake news Darren Arofonosky may get to helm the Robocop remake.

--Christopher who probably prefers being known as Michael Imperioli snagged a lead role on ABC's Life on Mars. It's from Britain, but what show isn't?

--Big weekend coming up for the Brooklyn Cyclones as they get ready for a couple of promotions. First up on Friday is Billy Joel night as they celebrate the 30th anniversary of the most excellent The Stranger. They'll be giving away Billy Joel photoballs, The Stranger deluxe box sets, a vinyl copy of the album and they'll be having sing-a-longs all evening. Next week Billyboy is playing Shea twice. Tickets are going for hundreds of dollars as well they should. This Thursday the Class A Vancouver Canadians are having Bret Hart night complete with an appearance by The Hitman. Bret going to WCW = beginning of the end for WCW....of course there were about a hundred beginnings of the end for WCW around that time. David Arquette champ?! Really?!

--Brooke Knows Best?!

--Leighton Meester, Jamie Lynn Sigler and the man, the myth, the Jeffrey Tambor are all aboard for the next season of Entourage.

--Thankfully another season of Hell's Kitchen is done. Christina was the easy winner seeing as she was the closest thing to a cook much less an executive chef. Kitchen Nightmares comes up soon as I've long said if you like Gordon Ramsay you need to make BBC America's Kitchen Nightmares the show you watch.

--Your straight up Dumbass of the Week comes to us from Somerville, Mass. There Michael Mahoney got into a fight with his moms over his baseball card collection. Yeah, he was supposed to sell it to repay a loan. Whoops. So Moms took a beating. Then this dumbass piece of crap assaulted and raped a woman who was walking alone near Tufts University. This woman collected herself and realized what a shi*** dumbass she was being terrorized by so before he left. She asked him for his phone number and he gave it to her and she gave it to the cops and now Tiny is giving it to him.

Questions, comments or if next week you're gonna get hammered, shoot around 120 at Blackhorse, get hammered, go to Beatles Love, get hammered, lose lots of money, get hammered, talk to Lamps (yeah, we're boys like that), get hammered, go watch Cotto/Margarito, get hammered, lose more money, get hammered and pass out on a plane...

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