And I Can Always Make Them Smile

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Good interview with Alton Brown...

--Who would you least like to have been this spring: Kaz Matsui with the anal fissure or Felix Pie with a twisted testicle?

--Watching Across the Universe, that movie/musical/psychedelic trip using Beatles music, is about as close to taking acid as you can get. Holy crap and Bono's cameo?


--Love me some vampire movies so 30 Days of Night isn't going to get a bad word from me.

--The U.S. is getting the better of Mexico in soccer lately. But Mexico is gaining on the U.S. in one important category. Obesity. Yep, the U.S. is currently ranked #1, but health officials say, if current trends continue, in 10 years Mexico will be a nation of fat asses even greater than ours. Although I think baseball's trend of All You Can Eat sections may keep us from falling (on our soft, blubbery behinds) from grace.

--Public Service Announcement: When looking for places to store your gun don't put it in the oven. Because as Anthony Smith of Chicago found out sometimes someone will go into the kitchen and start cooking and then the gun will start going off and then before you know it two kids are in the hospital with gunshot wounds. To summarize, loaded guns do not, DO NOT, go in ovens. Now you know and knowing is half the battle. Still no word from Duke or Gung Ho or Snake Eyes what the other half of the battle is.

--I had no idea who the hell Audrina Partridge was until my favorite site wwtdd.com showed us her assets and her breast-ets and the world is a better place for those pics.

--I like Lewis Black and all, but I'm not sure Root of All Evil is gonna make it.

--Count Massachusetts as a state continuing the wussification of America's kids. The Board of Education has spent parts of a few meeting trying to come up with nicer, more positive-sounding terms than "underperforming" or "chronically underperforming" for its ummm, dumb err slower schools. So they're thinking about labeling those poor schools as "Commonwealth priority" or "priority one" so that students and teachers don't get their confidence undermined by such vicious terms like "underperforming." This is all time very well spent.

--For those of you deciding between schools Penn State is offering new course, "Joe Paterno, Communications and the Media." I think Bob Huggins or Bob Knight, Communications and the Media may be more entertaining.

--New Raconteurs is out this week and they'll be in Austin the first week in May. Unfortunately I won't be there seeing as how they'll be there on the 3rd and here on the 2nd is Kanye, Lupe, etc.

--Ain't no party like a West Virginia party, woo-hoo!!! My boy James Lacy was walking around outside drunk off his arse. How do we know that? Because he told the cop who came to see him, "I'm fu**** up!" At that point Lacy was searched and in his pocket the cop found two bags of crack coca...wait a minute. It looks like it may not be crack, but may be, yep, peanuts cut into chunks to imitate crack. Lacy apparently kind of a dumbass. He was charged with public intoxication and creation and possession of an imitated controlled substance. Chunks of peanuts? I don't know who's dumber him for making it or the crackheads who are only getting a Planters fix and nothing else.

--If you missed Joel Casamayor and Michael Katsidis over the weekend you missed yet another great fight this year. Casamayor knocked Katsidis down twice in the 1st, got knocked though the ropes himself in the 6th, got a point deduction for low blows in the 9th, and then of course, TKO'd Katsidis in the 10th for the win. The guy who beat Juan Diaz and once lost to Casamayor entered the ring and started running smack at Casamayor, but Joel isn't looking to get baited into getting another fight with Nate. Casamayor wants a bigger name and a bigger payday. I would love to see Katsidis and Diaz trade leather sometime.

--Only a couple of more weeks until Battlestar Galactica begins again on April 4th. That's a very good thing. If cylons are so bad then why are they so hot?

--A construction worker hung himself at Mel "SugarTits" Gibson's house?! For me, that's a deal-breaker. I ain't staying one night in any, ANY place where someone hung himself.

--AMC started rerunning Breaking Bad on Sunday nights before Mad Men. Brian Cranston (dad from Malcolm) is awesome in it. Good stuff.

--Your Psychotic Mother of the Week comes to us from Florida, shocking I know. There Celeste Minardi was visiting her 15-year-old son at a psychiatry office. Dad has had custody for years and for years mom would make these cour-ordered visits and bring gifts for her son. So this particular time, as a nurse was typing 6 feet away, mom got her purse and brought out a gift of cologne and then some playing cards. Unfortunately she then pulled out two foot-long knives and started hacking away at her son. The son was stabbed several times before he could run out into the lobby passing out there. A doctor got the knives away from mommy who had no criminal record or history of being violent. Gotta start somewhere I guess.

--Because the world needs more Bobby Flay. This July Food Network will bring us Grill It! With Bobby Flay. It's supposed to be an instructional type show. It sounds like Food Nation. I want to see Bobby and Stephanie Grillin' and Chillin', but I guess not yet.

--Dixie is coming back to All My Children as a ghost?! Wait, this is supposed to go in an e-mail to my mom not on my blog.

Questions, comments or if you can't think of anything clever to say...