Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Kenny Rogers' Gambler is my gambling theme

Walkin’ Maybe, but These Boots Aren’t Made for Hitting

Sometimes I wonder if the Astros really want that Silver Boot. The Boot has been a source of pride and sign of accomplishment in this state for years and years. It’s like Lombardi Trophy, Heisman Trophy, World Cup, and Silver Boot. And yet the boys handed the Rangers the early Boot lead. Like all Houstonians I dread hearing the calls to the station this week because I’m sure 99% of them will be Rangers fans calling to tease us about being down 2-1 in the quest for the Boot. First the Texans lose to the Cowboys and now this? Oh well, I guess Texas was going to eventually win its first series on the road and it might as well come against its most fiercest rival. New York-Boston…whatever. Buckeyes-Wolverines…bo-ring. Duke-North Carolina…yawn. Last time I checked none of those “rivalries” have a piece of footwear in silver that goes to the winner and that, my friends, is the true hallmark of a genuine rivalry. Seriously on the prestige meter does Silver Boot fall above or below, say, a Certificate for Perfect Attendance?

--Honestly how many players do the Astros have that have no right being up in the Majors much less with a team that has postseason aspirations? Orlando Palmeiro is now 0 for his last 16 and has 4, I repeat 4 hits on the entire season. Wandy Rodriguez has 3 hits. Jason Lane hits .163 against lefties and yet Garner keeps this stupid platoon going. Luke Scott has more hits against lefties than Lane does. Is Lane married to Purpura’s daughter? How many chances does he get? Brian Moehler’s has been done for a while and yet the Astros have him and his 6.00 ERA taking up a spot. Lefty specialist Trever Miller has an ERA approaching 6.00 and he can’t get lefties, righties, or switchies out. I haven’t even brought up Mo-fer. Ridiculous. If the kids on the farm are no better then Houston, we have a problem (how clever and original am I?).

--I'm not good at photoshopping, but can't we put Palmeiro, Lane, Ensberg, and Everett in a movie poster for 300 and put .300?! I'm looking at you Chance.

--Because you need to know this…you have a 1-563 chance or .17% chance to catch a foul ball. Presumably that number drops at Minute Maid seeing as how the home team rarely makes contact be it foul or not.

--Andrew Jones had a Sunday that would have made you think he was an honorary Astro for a day. Andruw went 0-5 (horrible), 5 strikeouts (terrible), final out of the game with tying run at the plate (no good, very bad).

--Since 2005 the Astros are 5-13 in interleague road games. The Dodgers are a sparkling 1-20.

--Remember a couple of weeks back when Derek Jeter had his 20-game hitting streak snapped. His new one is now up to 16.
Coulda been an Astro.

--Last year at this time Albert Pujols had 22 home runs. This year the Cardinals, as a team, have 20. Ouch.

--Cleveland’s Fausto Carmona outdueled Johan Santana last week leading Torii Hunter to utter this great quote about dude’s sinker, "It's not normal. He's not even human. It was so scary, I thought I was hung over.''

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--I’m not saying it wasn’t time for Jeff Van Gundy and the Rockets to part ways. I am saying the organization looked foolish in the process (senior consultant?) and just handing the job to Rick Adelman without so much as interviewing anyone else makes zero sense.

--And now our long national wait for a new season of The Office begins. Hopefully we get some webisodes this summer to tide us over. Obviously a great finale. And we’ll see what happens with those crazy kids Jim and Pam. They belong together as do the boyfriend and girlfriend from hell combination of JD and Elliot on Scrubs. For shame, foooooor shame.

--Big-time wait in between new seasons of Entourage. The 3rd season finale is on June 3rd and we have to suffer until June 17th for the 4th season premiere. Good luck occupying Sunday night on June 17th.

-- Just like everyone who pays cursory attention to boxing knew Floyd/Oscar was going to be boring everyone knew Jermain Taylor and Cory Spinks was going to follow the same pattern. Thankfully Edison Miranda and Kelly Pavlik delivered as expected. Did not think the guy who grew up on the streets of Colombia hunting cats for dinner was going to lose, but Pavlik was outstanding. Great plan, great execution, great destruction of a tough, tough SOB. Pavlik and Taylor – make it happen. Edison – learn more than one way to, well, skin a cat.

--I'm a week behind on Sopranos, but hopefully there's more of Sarah Shahi...

--Not that you needed reminding, but Chuck Liddell and Rampage (sorry not Scoop) Jackson on Saturday. Team Penn looking pretting strong on The Ultimate Fighter. Did anyone else want to strangle that unappreciative Asian dude last week when he was being a girl about switching to Pulver’s team?

--Robert Rodriguez to direct a Barbarella remake?!

--Damn hockey I know you’re already considered irrelevant, but NBC switched off of a Conference Finals game between Buffalo and Ottawa for pre-race, yeah, pre-race coverage of the Preakness?! Ouch. It was nice enough to put it on Versus, so much for HD coverage.

--Chris Henry failed a drug test?! Are you sure? Oh, you’re not. Henry’s agent compared the first test to a home pregnancy test

--Congratulations to Quincy Carter for getting AF2 in the news. Apparently the once and future Cowboy king has been missing team meetings and so the Shreveport Battle Wings suspended him for two games.

--They’re going to release an updated version of Tecmo Bowl?! That’ll be disappointing.
I'm not sure, but I think Bo scores on this one.

--Which of these Drudge headlines do you actually think might be true:

Women claim ‘handsome’ men are ‘boring’ prefer to date ‘ugly’ men

Paper: Iran’s secret plan for summer offensive to force U.S. out of Iraq

Summer Reading Material: Paris Hilton turns to Bible!

--In “yeah, that figures” news…O.J. Simpson has put up for sale the suit he wore on the day he got lucky in court.

--Johnnie Morton is going MMA?!
Gratuitous Sarah Shahi

--You ever be driving along with your girl and y’all are arguing and you come up to train tracks, see a train, and decid to park, jump out and let the train kill both your car and your girl? Exactly, who hasn’t thought of doing that once or twice. Some Los Angeles man is no longer here to tell you that’s not the proper way to end a relationship. In retrospect he might have gone with a text message as opposed to letting the train hit the car thereby launching the car toward dumbass’ direction killing him. His girl got hit by a train and is still alive, he is not.

--We all know Jason Street’s parents were in the wrong when they sued Coach Taylor on Friday Night Lights for not teaching QB Street how to tackle properly. A Staten Island mom is suing her then 9-year-old son’s Little League coach for not teaching her son how to slide correctly. This kid who never watched Tom Emanski apparently got his first hit of the season and coach told him to take 2nd. When the boy slid he suffered “serious bodily injury” and faced multiple surgeries that have left him scarred and disabled. I know what you’re thinking. How has a slide that sounds like that not shown up on YouTube already?

--In the last 4 seasons only once in 16 regular season meetings have either the Pistons or Cavaliers scored over 100 points. Oh boy, this is going to be gr-r-r-reat!

--San Antonio didn’t sell out Game 1 of its match up against Utah?!

--Drudge Report headline I have zero interest in clicking on:

Nude photos of nursing home residents prompts investigation.

Questions, comments, or if you can’t believe it’s not butter…

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