Thursday, November 30, 2006

Jockin' Mike D to my dismay...

Silver and Bleh

I’m not outright saying the Texans and Raiders game is going to be the worst game you will watch this season. I’m merely suggesting the Texans and Raiders game is going to be the worst game you will watch this season. And yet like a Mrs. Lawson PSA you’re inexplicably drawn into it even though you know how it’ll end. Mrs. Lawson will be out on her ass and the Texans will lose. Not that that is necessarily a bad thing. Sure I’ve put on the face that I want this team to get some wins, but not so deep inside of me losses make me happier. For one, maybe it will make this team realize David Carr isn’t the answer. For two, at this point even for the harder core Texans fan it’s all about the draft order. If there’s one thing Gary Kubiak got right thus far it was the last draft. Yeah, Vince or Reggie would’ve been nice, but Mario looks like he can be the real deal and the DeMeco pick alone makes it the best draft the Texans have ever had. I’ll say Raiders 13 Texans 10.
Probably the only good thing about the Raiders this season.

--Seven of David Carr’s whopping 10 TD passes have come in the 4th quarter. Not that the passer rating reflects the value of the quarterback, but Carr’s passer rating in 3rd quarters is 56 and in 4th quarters is 117. In the five games Houston has played in that were decided by 0-7 points Carr threw one touchdown and three interceptions. That kinda sums it up to me.

--Andre Johnson still leads the league in receptions with 84. No one else has more than 68.

--Quick who leads the league in touchdown catches? If you said Terrell Owens or Reggie Wayne, you’re wrong. It would be Darrell Jackson with 9.

--I’m not a Michael Vick hater by any means, but having written that…among the quarterbacks with more passing yards than Vick? Mark Brunell and Damon Huard.

--Edge has 226 carries for 695 yards (3.1 avg.) and 3 TDs. Joseph Addai has 155 carries for 789 yards (5.1 avg.)and 7 TDs. Edge’s longest run this season went for 18 yards. Ouch.

--It’s been 14 years and never in the Mike Shanahan era that he’s started a rookie quarterback. Obivously that changes Sunday with Jay Cutler. Back in 1992 rookie Tommy Maddox made a start for Dan Reeves in Denver.

--I’m not saying automatically bench your stud RB if he’s facing Minnesota’s defense, but it has allowed 106 rushing yards combined in its last four games.

--Some things you deny, some things you let linger even if untrue…Tony Romo says he in fact is not having sexy time with Jessica Simpson. Romo also says he doesn’t like cheese so I don’t know what to believe.

--Most obvious statement of the week: Joey Harrington says more parents have told him their children play piano because of him than play quarterback because of him.

--Damn you Time Warner and damn you NFL Network. This is ridiculous.


Paw Power!!

10-5

Considering that the team has shot so poorly, that Bonzi hasn’t done squat, Tracy has gone from shoot-first to pass-first, Kirk Snyder broke his hand and they’re breaking in a new announcer and new Power Dancer uniforms 10-5 ain’t a bad way to end November. There’s a long way to go, but so far, so good.

--The Rockets are 26th in scoring at just over 92 points a game, but first in points allowed giving up fewer than 90.

--Denver is scoring the most points (109) and giving up the most (106). Oddly enough the Nuggets average all those points, but are the worst in the league in 3 point percentage.

--For seemingly forever the Blazers have been last in point differential. This year the differential for them is -6.4, which is second to last. Who is last? Well it’s none other than the team I dislike the most the Miami Heat at -7.1.

--More proof that Eastern Conference basketball is just awful. Only two East teams are in the top 13 in FG percentage. Those would be the Magic (4th) and the Nets (10th). By the way, Houston is 20th.

--Eva and Tony are getting married. Good luck to those two crazy kids.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Ladies and gentlemen, I have but two syllables for you: Pulltab.


--A Bruce Lee theme park in China?!

--‘Tis the season to remember how to act in social situations. You don’t want to do what Terre (Terry with an ‘e’? He never had a chance) Jefferson did. Terre broke into the homes of three women and stood over their bed and asked them if he could smell or lick (victim’s choice) their feet. Yeah, he was sentenced to 27 years in prison for burglary and indecent exposure. To review, do not ask ladies if you can smell or lick their feet, this is generally frowned upon. Generally.

--There’s timing and then there’s GQ naming Kid Rock and Pamela Anderson its Newlyweds of the Year.

--Christmas Pornaments?!

--The best link of Scarlett Johannson on all fours you’ll click on this week…

--Starship Troopers 3?! This is outstanding news with the bonus that Johnny Rico is coming back for this one!
Give 'em hell, Rico!

--I didn’t think Open Water was all that good and it took forever for the sharks to finally finish them off. But they were finished off so Open Water 2: Adrift?! Big surprise it’s straight to video next February.

--If you click on one link this week that uses the Wii to recreate the opening scene from Big Lebowski make it this one…

--My Name is Earl and The Office both have hour-long episodes lined up for later this month and that’s a very, very good thing. Surely I mentioned this last week, but the highlight of my last Vegas trip beyond the Miami/New England parlay was seeing Catalina from Earl at The Mesa Grill. It maid my day. Get it, maid? She's a maid on the show and I cleverly used the spelling of that maid to take the place of made because I've clearly mastered the use of homonyms (if that's what that is called).
Maid to order.

--The National something or other came out with its list of video games parents should avoid buying for their children or teens. Among the unsuitable games: Reservoir Dogs, Grand Theft Auto, Scarface, The Godfather, and Dead Rising. Whatever, if your kid wants to be Mr. Blonde then let your kid be Mr. Blonde. Among the recommended suitable games: Nancy Drew (yawn), LEGO Star Wars, Dance Factory, and Madden 07. That pretty much tells you the state of the Madden series.


--Because there will be a quiz later…Nicole Kidman is Hollywood’s top earning female at $16-17 million a pic. For some reason Drew Barrymore is 4th getting $15 mil.

--I know you’re wondering what Wladimir Klitschko who is from Kazakhstan thinks of Borat, "I love 'Borat'. I think that is the funniest dude I have ever seen. He's just something different than we have seen before. I think it might be great for Kazakhstan because people will go to the country and see it. You remember that crocodile hunter from Australia? Everybody thought that when he comes to New York in the movie all Australians are as crazy as Crocodile Dundee. Many people went to Australia to see that country and it was good for the economy.”

--Time for a life lesson…If you are a 38-year-old father of nine who is going to be a witness to a murder case in Baltimore, who is regarded as a snitch and received threatening phone calls, who has already been shot six times for getting ready to snitch, who was moved out of the area by authorities, you do not, I repeat, do not go home for Thanksgiving dinner. On the off chance that you do go home then you do not, I repeat, do not go to the corner bar for a drink. John P. Dowery Jr. did all of those things and at the bar was murdered.

--What a surprise Mel Gibson identifies with what Kramer is going through, "I felt like sending Michael Richards a note. I feel really badly for the guy. He was obviously in a state of stress. You don't need to be inebriated to be bent out of shape. But my heart went out to the guy... I like him." Well, of course you like him. On a related note, could you be less interested in seeing Apocalypto?

--The Macon City Council has passed an ordinance to criminalize panhandling in public areas. Councilman James Tinley voted against it, "I see an undercurrent of something else that's not Christian-like that's for sure. You can't just lock them up and let them disappear. ... We could do what Hitler did. We could annihilate them, but that's not going to solve the problem." Yeah, ummm, annihilation probably not an option, but you did drop Hitler’s name for no reason so, uh, congratulations.

--Shocking: Snoop arrested for drugs and gun possession. More shocking, Suge Knight not a fan of Snoop’s. Suge told the always reliable Page 6, "Snoop is a rat. He's a police informer. This is the only guy who never goes to jail no matter what. I don't like rats. Snoop has never been in a real fight. When there's trouble, he runs to the police. He throws up and starts crying."
Throws up?

--Li-Lo in AA?!

--You knew Jay-Z’s new one wasn’t going to touch Black Album, but it’s pretty strong. My favorite track is the one done with Coldplay’s Chris Martin, "Beach Chair", marking the first time a Coldplay song doesn’t sound exactly like every other one. "30something" is strong as well…30’s the new 20 sounds good to me.
That my friends is a whole hell of a lotta richness.

--Because like peanut butter and jelly, slow motion photography and destruction simply go together. In this case via Nike’s Juice golf ball…

--Those of you who need a Lost fix. Here ya go…

--Happy 77th anniversary to Gene and Elinor Coleman of Bristow, Oklahoma. How do they fill the time? They say most days “we sit here and look at each other” and add “we’re lucky that both of us are still here to look at.”

Questions, comments or if you remember a time when Family Guy was consistently funny…

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