Friday, September 01, 2006

Like A Pinch On The Neck Of Mr. Spock


Yeah, the Astros have won six straight. Yeah, the little things are turning their way. Yeah, the big three look as dominant as ever. Yeah, Brad Lidge has pitched much better. Yeah, the Reds are falling apart. Yeah, Art Howe is undefeated since he’s been on Fox Sports. Yeah, the Peanut Dude’s mechanics adjustment is paying off. Yeah, Roy and Drayton have made up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They beat on a last place Pirates team and then one of the worst road teams in baseball. The Mets are in town. Let’s see what you’re made of…

--Good luck Brandon. If anybody is going to come back better than ever after a surgery like that’s it’s going to be you.

--Roger Clemens has just 8 wins and 9 no-decisions in the 17 games he’s pitched for Houston in which he didn’t allow a run.

--Note to Jason Lane: Having “Laffy Taffy” blare on the speakers as you step to the plate is no longer cool or funny or whatever it was supposed to be.

--The ‘Stros went 17-12 in August and let’s look at the numbers…Minimum 15 at-bats who led the team in batting average. Not Willy Taveras (.328). Not Luke Scott (.389). It would be Andy Pettitte who hit .412 (7-17). Aubrey Huff led the boys with 23 RBIs. Chris Burke bounced back from a rough July to hit .328. The Big Puma hit just .267. Morgan Ensberg- .209. Craig Biggio- .193. As a team they scored as many runs as the Reds and had a higher batting average. They had the second best ERA behind only the Dodgers. Dan Wheeler nearly had a 0.00 ERA for the month, but Prince Fielder took him deep. Fernando Nieve and Trever Miller had ERAs of 1.00 and 1.04 respectively. Andy Pettitte was 4-2 with an ERA better (2.27) than that of even Roger Clemens (2.54).

--Houston is 44-11 when it outhits its opponent.

--It’s on for the coveted top spot in the category of grounded into double plays. Brad Ausmus is tied for 2nd in the NL with 20. Preston Wilson is right behind with 19.

--Add the intentional walks handed to Ryan Howard to the ones given to Lance Berkman and you still don’t have as many as Barry Bonds has been given this season.

--Five of Greg Maddux’s 12 wins have come against the Reds.

--For a coke: Who has more doubles than any other player since 2004? Hint: American League. East Division. Toronto. First Baseman. First name Lyle, last name Overbay.

--The Boston Astros scored a whopping 19 run total on their just completed 9-game roadie.

Bits O’ Pigskin

I did not attend much less watch that final Texans preseason game. What was the point?

--Very fitting that Raiders safety Jarrod Cooper who is from Pearland is having a contest giving a $1000 to the person with the best Raider related tattoo. "Yeah, I'm serious. I want to see what's out there. I saw one guy with 50 cheerleader heads on his arm, like portraits. I'm not exactly sure what he's got going on."

--The Redskins went 0-4 in the silly season and were outscored 104-27.

--Chris Simms and Kyle Shanahan do not actually have each other’s initials tattoed on their lower legs. Do they?

--Ronaldhino has Brazilian ping pong. Neil Rackers has whatever he wants to call this.

--On my Madden 07 team I drafted Greg Jones and he’s a beast. I was even thinking of taking him late in a fantasy draft until we were in the 5th round and we watched him go down in that preseason game last Saturday. Jones’ season is over, but let’s take a look at two of his better runs in college. First against North Carolina. Now Greg Jones introduces himself to Sean Taylor.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--It’s damn near 5 in the morning and the United States of America just lost to Greece. Greece! The worst part is we lost to the better team. It was as simple as that. I never wanted to believe the world had ever caught up to us and that it was only bad coaching or bad attitudes or bad players, but it’s not. The world has caught up to us and some of it has passed us. Yeah, if we had Kobe and we had Tim Duncan things may have been different. I don’t care. This is the team we had and it had plenty of talent, but it wasn’t a “team.” It’s as simple as that. Thank you to the guys who chose to try out and represent this country. The next Olympics are ours.

--Oh yeah, silver lining: Spanoulis is the s****!!!

--I’m big on CSI reruns, but probably won’t catch Kevin Federline when he does an episode next season. But what’s this about Federline doing three episodes of Entourage?! C’mon guys, he’s an annoying, child-neglecting pest that we need to see less of unless he’s humiliating himself on national television at a Teen Choice Awards. You’re better than this, but I guess if you’ll fire Ari then anything is possible. Note to Netflix: If I send a request for Aquaman or Queens Boulevard (black and white, of course) then that’s what I want to see! Don’t tell me these things don’t exist, television does not lie!!
Call James Cameron a liar again!
--The King is creepy, but this is great.

--I didn’t watch, but evidently my boy Chris Jericho was the first booted off of Celebrity Duets. I’ll change to Alfonso Ribeiro/Carlton Banks/Alfonso Spears if you go back to the Silver Spoons days.
The betting favorite for Dancing With The Stars is Slater at 3 to 1. Vivica A. Fox is 4-1. Emmitt Smith is 15-1. The longest shot on the board is Jerry Springer. Now you know.

--Jessica Simpson and John Mayer?! Paris Hilton and Lance Armstrong?! Adam Goldberg and Christina Ricci together again?! George Clooney and Ellen Barkin?!

--What the?!

--The BBC ran a poll of the best albums of all-time that hit # 1 on the British charts. You’ll never guess, but there are four Beatles albums in the top 10. Sgt. Peppers at the top spot, Revolver at 6, Abbey Road at 8 and my personal favorite The White Album at 10. # 2 on the list was Thriller followed by The Joshua Tree.

--More music polls…Spin came out with a list of the top 25 live bands. At 23 we find AFI. Then a bunch of acts I’ve never heard of until The Roots at 17 (note to self get new Roots CD). The Flaming Lips at 16. At 13 My Chemical Romance. The man, the myth, the Prince at 9. Green Day at 7. At 6 The White Stripes who I’ve unfortunately never seen live though I have to imagine The Raconteurs show here on September 14th is going to be pretty damn strong. Radiohead at 5 and I will see them before I die. Red Hot Chili Peppers at 4, if you say so. Arcade Fire at 3 with The Stooges at 2. At number 1 and the easiest selection in the world

U (f’n) 2!! I swear their shows only get better and better.

--Sixteen years ago this week Please Hammer Don’t Hurt ‘Em went multi platinum.

--Who doesn’t love watching know-it-alls, much less hideous, loony, know-it-alls get theirs?

--Wow, last week it was Wolf Blitzer getting “Howard Sterned” and this week it’s CNN going Naked Gun on us with a live microphone in the ladies’ room airing that conversation while some guy named President George something or other is making a Katrina speech live. It’s about time CNN started becoming more entertaining. I wonder how sister-in-law feels about this classic line:
“Yeah. He’s married, three kids, but his wife is just a control freak.”

--Shakira should have won every VMA category she was in. There should probably be a Best Shakira Video category as well. Kelly Clarkson Best Female Video?! Over Shakira and Christina Aguilera?! Everything I said about Shakira same for Beyonce. Jack Black’s opening bit was nice, but it was pretty much downhill after that. Probably shouldn’t have cut the hair Jessica.

--What a fight on this week’s Contender with my boy Steve Forbes just surviving against Nick Acevedo.

Questions, comments or if you want to all get each other’s initials tattooed on our lower legs (men only, of course)…

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