Tuesday, September 19, 2006

I've Been Dropping the New Science and Kicking the New K-nowledge

Yeah, That’s About Right

Who would have thought two weeks in to the season the Texans would be 0-2? Everyone? Okay, who would have thought two weeks in to the season that David Carr would be a sympathetic figure? No one. That’s kinda the way it’s playing out right now though. The Texans are a bad football team, but David Carr has been pretty decent. I mean he is 2nd, 2nd in the league in passer rating. Four spots better than Peyton Manning. He hasn’t thrown a pick and he has remembered that Andre Johnson is on his team. It’s just everything around David has been awful. From both lines to the corners to the outside linebackers to the inexplicable naked bootlegs. Mario Williams? Well, he got closer to the quarterback this week so that’s something. That’s the best compliment I can give him. The best I can give the team? Ummmm…they aren’t the worst 0-2 team in the league. But if they don’t beat the equally pathetic Redskins they are one step closer to that # 2 overall pick. Two weeks in and it’s safe to say the Raiders have the # 1 pick locked up.

--David Carr has 4 touchdown passes. The following quarterbacks have zero: Jakes (Delhomme and Plummer), Ben Roethlisberger, Mark Brunell and Jon Kitna. Chris Simms hasn’t either, but who here does that surprise. Why Jon Gruden thought he had a player in Simms is beyond me. Yeah, he was okay last season, but asking him to throw the ball 53 times is just dumb.

--How safe is David Carr’s job? Pretty safe according to CNN/SI’s list of top 10 quarterbacks on the hot seat. Carr isn’t listed. Chris Simms is at 10. Jake Delhomme is inexplicably at 9. Even more inexplicable is Damon Huard at 8. Huh? The backup quarterback who is in for two, maybe three games is on the hot seat? We’ll just stop right there.

--If you’re forever trying to figure out exactly why Mario Williams was taken over Reggie Bush. Charley Casserly had this to say about the Bush payment stuff that broke open this past week, "All the things that came out this week (about alleged recruiting violations) we knew before the draft. ... But it did not affect our decision." So we still have no good or logical reason why the Texans gave the city a big middle finger. Here’s some of what Charley told The Washington Post: "It is going to be debated. But you don't make decisions about a young man's career after two games. . . . It came down to the fact that you need an outstanding defensive end to build a great football team. We knew Reggie Bush would be a good player. We didn't have any question about that. But Mario Williams is going to be a terrific player. He has all the talent and desire to do it. There's no reason he won't do it.”

Even better news Charley will be rooting for the Texans instead of the Redskins this week, "I have strong feelings for both teams. But I'll be rooting for the Texans on Sunday because of all the players and all the recent associations I have there with all the coaches and other people."

--The Chargers have two guys in the top 8 in the league in rushing. Of course, that LaDainian guy is 5th, but his back-up Michael Turner is 8th. 9th is Michael Vick. To this point Vick has outrushed Tiki Barber.

--DeMeco Ryans is 5th in the league in tackles with 20.

--I’m thinking Antonio Bryant isn’t going to average 30.6 yards a catch all season. His first 8 have averaged that though.

--If you have the time to go through all of this it is probably well worth it. For the love of all that is good we are talking about Tecmo updated for this season. This guy is actually playing each week’s set of games and you’ll never guess, but the Tecmo Texans lost to the Tecmo Colts 28-7.

--The Jets haven’t scored in the first quarter in 16 straight games. Ouch. Are you saying I should drop Curtis Martin?

--For the first time since 1961 the Raiders have gone their first two games without getting into the end zone.

--On Sunday morning did Ron Jaworski just tell me to sit Larry Johnson?! I’d like to invite him and Mort to my league.

--So how did the Jaguars gear up for their big Monday Nigher against the Steelers? With the Jacksonville mayor proclaiming it All Teal Day, of course. Nothing screams intimidation like teal.

--How horrible is NBC’s Football Night in America? Just awful except for those wonderful moments of awkward silence. Oh well, just have to be patient and wait for Chris and Tom on The Blitz on SportsCenter. They aren’t football highlights unless ESPN’s Prime Time music is behind them.

--U2 and Green Day in Nawlunz next Monday night for the game = good idea. Having the smart George Bush toss the coin = maybe not so good.

--By now we’ve all heard of the Northern Colorado back up punter who stabbed the starting punter in the back of his thigh to get his job. If not then how did you end up here? Anyway, as luck would have it Northern Colorado got its first road win in three years in large part due to a blocked punt. C’mon Texas State, you’re better than, well maybe not.

--Who in the wide world of AP voting gave votes to Texas A&M to be in the top 25? Are you kidding me? The Aggies have beaten Louisiana-Lafayette, The Citadel, and barely, barely squeaked past Army.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--All the King’s Men looks pretty good even if Sean Penn may kick up overacting another notch. It looks even better now that I’ve heard Kelly Leak/Jackie Earle Haley has a part as a bodyguard. Apparently the guy is on a bit of a comeback.

--All new Office and to a lesser extent, but not much lesser all new My Name is Earl coming up on Thursday.

It’s now weeks instead of months for new Lost episodes.

--C’mon Houston, not selling out Verizon Wireless Theatre for the Raconteurs was inexcusable. No wonder we get bypassed by good acts. Helluva show and that Jack White has a future with his guitar. Highlight: Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down).

--Old people and Florida get along just fine unless said old people are locked in a car with the windows up on a sunny Florida afternoon. Two women were in their car when the battery failed disabling the power locks. The manual locks inside the car were working just fine. But what elderly person has ever had to unlock a car door manually? So these ladies were in that hot car in Daytona Beach for nearly two hours. Thankfully they had a tissue box in the car and wrote a message for help on it. Finally someone walking by spotted it and called help. Rescue workers arrived and instead of telling the women to unlock the doors the workers simply smashed the windows. Live and learn.

--Everyone celebrate, apparently Jeff Brantley has told ESPN he won’t be back next season! Brantley’ highlight this season was his rant on the Astros sucking because they didn’t have any leaders since Jeff Bagwell left. Clemens, you say? Well he only pitches every fifth day.

--More celebrations people for we are getting another season of Pros vs. Joes! Who watched that crap? Stay away this time Clyde, just stay away.

--Your incredibly worthless, 20 years too late lawsuit of the week comes to us from the group who gave us “My Sharona.” Of course, that would be the Knack. It has filed a copyright infringement lawsuit against Run D.M.C. and producer Rick Rubin among others for “It’s Tricky.” According to the still very relevant Knack, Run D.M.C. sampled a “signature” riff from Sharona. Why did this lawsuit take so long? Because the Knack say it hadn’t heard “It’s Tricky” before 2005. My question is if they heard it from Road Trip or SSX video game commercials.

--Dayton doesn’t exactly give us easy to follow news:
"DAYTON — Aug. 24: A resident of Alcott Avenue reported her ex-boyfriend stole her vehicle while she slept. She was awakened by a phone call from the Ohio Highway Patrol notifying her that her vehicle was totaled on Interstate 70. The complainant said her ex-husband and his son, who live in Richmond, Ind., spotted the ex-boyfriend in Richmond and took the vehicle from him. Her ex-husband's son was returning it and wrecked it."
Wha happened?!?

--If I had known Marco Antonio Barrera was now speaking English maybe I would have avoided last Saturday’s fight with Rocky Juarez. Though if I had done that I would have missed two great undercard fights. You do remember how to fight don’t you, Marco? If one guy ever deserves a pass it’s Barrera. He knew he could simply outbox Rocky and win and that’s exactly what he did. Oh well, I know he’ll give us at least one more war before he rides off into the sunset.

--One more boxing note…Houston’s own lightweight title holder and current UH student Juan Diaz was set to sign with the Golden Boy Promotions, which is like DX and The Four Horseman stables all rolled into one. It has the flash, the media coverage, and the veteran leadership to turn Diaz into a star. But Monday Diaz decided to go to the dark side and sign with Don King. Why? Well for one Diaz’s manager says that King promised him a $550,000 signing bonus. You know how much those King promises are worth. If you don’t ask Mike Tyson or Chris Byrd. Maybe Diaz will get paid and maybe he’ll become a star. I just think it’ll be a lot harder doing it under Don King and Showtime. Just sad, but good luck Juan, you’ll need it.

--When you see them around make sure you congratulate LaLa and Carmelo who are expecting. They are getting married after the baby’s birth, which is how the cool people do it nowadays.

--24 years ago this week The Clash’s “Should I Stay or Should I Go Now” peaked at #45 on the pop singles chart. # 45?!

--I don’t have kids so far be it from me to criticize when I don’t know how I would act in this situation, but I probably wouldn’t do what the Kampfs did when they learned their 19-year-old daughter was pregnant by a man now in jail. The Kampfs chased their daughter out into the yard, grabbed her, tied her hands and feet up, threw her in the car and drove off to New York which the parents thought had laxer laws on abortion than their home state of Maine. At some point in New Hampshire she convinced her parents to untie her so she could use the restroom at K-mart. They did and once she got inside the store she called the police and then ran into a Staples and hid from her parents. The cops found the parents and inside their Lexus was rope, duct tape, scissors and ho-hum a 22-caliber rifle. Daddy had a clip in his pocket. They were jailed for kidnapping and I’m sure the entire family will be laughing about this at the Thanksgiving table in a couple of months.

--Your next terrible, horrible, no good, very bad story comes to us from Oregon. It was there this past weekend that 18-year-old Lukus Glenn came home drunk. Lukus has had a rough time what with no prospects for college and his long-term relationship ending. He was feeling suicidal and grabbed a knife and held it to his throat. At that point his mother decided to pick up the phone, "When I called 9-1-1, I called to save my son, to get some professional help. Maybe I'm naive." The cops came and saw Lukus outside the house. He refused to drop the knife so they shot rounds of bean bags at him. Lukus then turned and started running inside the house. Exit: rounds of bean bags. Enter: rounds of bullets. He died on the spot and his grandmother who was sleeping inside nearly died as the bullets sprayed the house. The police said they shot because they were afraid Lukus was going to hurt family inside the house.

--One more Office promo.

Questions, comments or if you think it’s high time Jonny Quest got made into a movie…

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