I Come Out At Night 'Cause I Sleep All Day

The More Things Change…

Why some people were picking the Texans over the Eagles was just beyond me. One team is two years removed from the Super Bowl while the other is months removed from a 2-14 season and months removed from the stupidest number 1 pick in history. Yeah, it’s just one game and it’s not fair to judge on just one week of football, but screw that, life isn’t fair particularly in the world of football. For months I’ve been trying to get over the stupidity of this club taking Mario Williams over Reggie Bush and now I’m resigned to the fact I’ll never get over it. Just stupid. I’m not expecting multiple sack games right out of the chute, but something to get excited about, just something. Note to Mario: the L1 button gives you a swim move. Try it. Try anything. Try playing dead and then when the lineman goes to check on you, crawl between his legs and get to the freakin’ quarterback. You have a better shot at getting to the QB that way than just going straight into a blocker. Maybe yell “Boo!!” every once in awhile and perhaps disrupt him that way. Are the coaches not teaching him anything? Are they asking too much of him? Is he always going to be that winded after doing nothing of importance? Is the number one overall pick always going to line up at defensive tackle on passing downs? Is he going to have to be pulled a lot? Just stupid. Even if Reggie Bush had done nothing Sunday I’d still be just as upset. To me, it’s not so much about what Reggie and Vince do, but it’s what Mario does and right now he ain’t done jack. Stupid, stupid, stupid. This club needs to appeal to the league for a do-over. You never know, the NFL may take pity on us. And by “us” I mean the fans who want desperately to support this team, but still don’t have a reason to other than DeMeco Ryans. At least you guys got that one right. Congratulations, can’t wait to see what you do with the first pick in the second round next season.

--Among the things that didn’t change…David Carr was sacked five times and almost once by the turf, the team was held under 100 yards rushing and under 200 through the air, false start on the left tackle, 3-11 on third downs, 5.3 yards per pass, Philip Buchanon got hurt, and oh yeah, they lost.

--I miss you NFL PrimeTime. NBC’s Football Night America or whatever they call it has an interesting set and that’s about it. I’d really like to hear more about Jerome Bettis’ Super Bowl ring and definitely more from Pink.

--The Colts are going to bring in Drew Henson for a look?!

--The NFL’s ban on Gary Glitter’s “Rock and Roll Part 2” (something about molesting teenage girls in Vietnam) has forced some teams to change their touchdown celebration music. The Patriots are now going with U2’s “Elevation” after TDs and the “1812 Overture” after the extra points.

--On the all-time receptions list…Rod Smith is now 15th after becoming the first undrafted player to tally 800 catches. Isaac Bruce is 11th on the list with 818 after passing Henry Ellard and Shannon Sharpe.

--Baltimore’s win at Tampa Bay was its first on the road since November of 2004.

--For the first time in 10 games Larry Johnson didn’t rush for over 100 yards. Anyone want to trade him to me? 340 pound Ravens defensive tackle Haloti Ngata rumbled 61 yards with a fumble before being stopped. Shaun Alexander ran for 56 yards for the entire game. Anyone want to trade him to me?

--Rex Grossman is now 3-0 at Lambeau Field. That’s how bad things are up in Green Bay. Despite how good Chicago’s defense has been the last few years it was its first shutout since 2001. It was the first time Green Bay has been blanked since 1991 when I thought KLF was going to rule the music world for years to come. Still waiting on that. By the way, the longest streak of not being shut out belongs to the Vikings who haven’t been blanked in 234 games.

--Your “Did You Know” of the week…Peyton and Eli Manning are brothers and their teams played each other this week.

--In other absolutely shocking and out of nowhere news…on ESPN’s Sunday pregame show Tom Jackson asked Michael Irvin, “Are you retarded?” Mind you this question was posed to Irvin before he showed off the tie he stole from a little person prior to Monday’s Countdown.
I'll probably never see this.

--The Lions put up all of six points last week and play the Bears this week. I’m not saying every UT longhorn has a blunt a day habit, but here’s Roy Williams on the upcoming game at Soldier Field, “We will win this game. You can all take that as a guarantee or whatnot, but we will win this game.”

--Was that Ahman Green going over 100 yards on the ground?

Stay Classy Columbus

For the second year in a row I watched the Ohio State/Texas game on DVR after I was done broadcasting our high school game of the week. In case you didn’t hear, this year the Buckeyes won. Easily the best part was seeing ABC show Ted Ginn’s father in the stands with this informative graphic underneath, "Ted Ginn, Sr., Ted Jr.'s Father." Thanks for that, I was getting confused. A lot of credit goes to the good fans of the Buckeyes for celebrating in a manner befitting the number one team in the nation. Let’s see at last check it was 16 students arrested around their campus. One former male cheerleader among them. He is facing aggravated vehicular assault charges after running over three people near the Ohio Union. Four cars were set on fire and a mere 45 trash bin fires for Ohio firefighters to put out. The school and city official actually set up a temporary command post on campus in anticipation of that kind of crap. How sad is that? Anyway, Texas, it was a nice run and now it’s time to start a new streak. And thanks to both schools for taking these two games against each other. Your national title dreams can be dashed by mid-September, but you were man enough to take them. Last year Texas won it all and this year Ohio State will do the same.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--At some point Sunday I looked up and saw the Astros were just three games out of the wild card. Huh, imagine that. So I actually checked in on the games on Sunday and Monday. 20 straight scoreless innings. That’ll learn me.

--Paris and Travis Barker?!

--If you like Nine Inch Nails and Star Trek you’ll probably like this. If you don’t like either of those things you’ll probably like this.

--This is probably the most hilarious/most sad/most hilarious thing I’ve seen in a long time. Thanks to the Westfield cheerleaders and channel 2 for making my day. The girl ended up being okay, well except for the fact that her cheerleader friends apparently hate her.

--You’d think Orioles pitcher Hayden Penn would be happy lowering his ERA from 108.00 to 36.82, but he’s not. On Sunday he shaved a digit off his ERA by allowing “just” seven runs in less than 4 innings to the Yankees.

--Tim Burton is going to direct a Killers video?!

--The new Dancing With The Stars begins Tuesday. Go get 'em Emmitt.

--High-speed police chases happen in New Hampshire?! Yes and no. Yes, there was one, but the driver took his car through three different towns and actually stopped at every single red light he encountered. Because of that police eventually boxed him in at a red light. Maybe that’s one less thing Joshua Grant gets charged with.

--An entrance only Borat can pull off.

--If you watch one battle between a not-that-there’s-anything-wrong-with-that weather man and a cockroach. Make it this one…

--I can’t believe I never heard or realized Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas was on Kids Incorporated. Apparently Jennifer Love Hewitt was as well. The things you learn…

----An unnamed bicycle rider in Greenville had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. First he veered into traffic and was hit by a car. That’s not good. The rider sat and waited for an ambulance, but evidently he didn’t wait far enough from traffic…so he was run over again. Fortunately the ambulance came and didn’t run over him.

--Good luck on Saturday to Rocky Juarez who gets another crack at Marco Antonio Barrera. The two undercard fights don’t look too shabby either.

--Was that Oscar de la Hoya sitting at the table with the other esteemed Man Lawmakers?! Oscar?!

Questions, comments or if you actually won a fantasy game in which you started a Raider…