Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Beastie Boys Known To Let The Beat Drop...

Well There They Go Again

A short, short time ago in a wild card race not so far away the Astros trailed the imploding Reds by 1.5 games. We’ll call that time Friday. On Tuesday Houston wakes up to a 4 game deficit and 4 games under .500. The Padres and Cubs aren’t good teams and most days neither are the Astros. They had a nine-game homestand in front of them against two teams they’re trying to chase down and one team that has stumbled over itself all season. Of course, the best Houston can do now is 5-4. Pathetic. The reasons? The usual suspects. No clutch hitting, strikeouts left and right, inconsistent starting pitching, consistent bad managing and so on and so on. We’ve seen it all season, but we’ve seen the miracles of the past two seasons and every win means this is the start of something big. Well, it’s not. It’s just the start of another tease. This team is below .500 for one reason…it’s not any good.

--Willy Taveras’ 17-game hitting streak is the longest for the Astros since Jeff Kent set the franchise mark with 25 straight in 2004. Willy’s average has gone from .260 to .274 over this stretch.

--Houston catchers are 0 for their last 22. That’s nice.

--I thought Brad Ausmus throwing out just 16% (9-58) of would be base stealers was bad. Mike Piazza is out 8% getting just 6 of 80. I think I write for everybody when I write how did he throw out six? By the way, Piazza was all of 1-16 against the Astros this season.

--When Craig Biggio homers the Astros are 14-1.

--Sorry to see ya go Preston. But you know our cracker club (mmmmmm club crackers...). Can’t let the invaluable Jason Lane go. He’s this close to becoming a contributing major leaguer. He’s just never gotten a chance.

--Matt Maloney, yes that Matt Maloney (or maybe not), is 14-7 after beating Houston’s Lexington Class A team over the weekend. He plays for the Mets Class A affiliate.

--The Orioles are 1-11 against the Red Sox this year.


Probably no need to get too excited about the Texans after one preseason game, but a win is a win is a win. After all, that ‘W’ tied the team’s franchise mark for preseason wins so…uhhhh, yeah, that’s huge. Safe to say the offense has the rollout and bootleg plays down. Also safe to say that DeMeco Ryans is going to be a stud. Mario Williams had an assist that turned the tide of the entire game (Caution: Watch For Dripping Sarcasm). Yeah, Reggie Bush had a highlight reel 44-yard run. But he didn’t even get in the end zone on it. He managed just 3 yards a carry on his other 5 rushes. And if he’s so good then how come the head coach didn’t play him in the 4th quarter when the game’s outcome was still in the balance. I’m sure someday I’ll forgive the Texans for passing on the man, the myth, the Reggie, but today is not that day.

--As someone who sits in the stands directly in the path of the sun every Sunday afternoon the 50-80 rule is fan-freakin’-tastic. Although on the very off chance it ever snows during a game I sure as hell want that roof open.

--What’s the over/under on games with Domanick Davis this season? 11?

--The silliest/stupidest thing I’ve ever seen at a Texans game had to be the halftime quotes distributed in the press box. The highlight being Wali Lundy’s comments on scoring a TD, “It felt good. The game’s not over yet, so it’s hard to say how I feel. It’ll feel good if we go out here and win.”
The Titans have a raccoon for a mascot?! How very Tennessee of them. Nice job by T-Rac of running over Saints QB Adrian McPherson with the T-Rac-mobile (scaled down motorcycle with a bucket seat). That happened right before the second half in which McPherson was supposed to see action. That stupid raccoon put an end to that. Sticking with Tennessee which is quickly giving Cellblock Cincy a run for its money..DT Randy Starks spent his weekend in jail on charges of domestic assault. Apparently he tried to pull the engagement ring off his fiance’s finger and the affidavit said: "This action caused nine of the victim's fingernails to break and bleed. He then began banging her head against the towel rack in the bathroom where the physical altercation began. The victim then went downstairs, the defendant threw the victim over a chair."
Maybe they’ll trade you Vince.

--There’s nothing worse in fantasy football than running back by committee situations, which seem to be a growing trend. One case is Indy with Dominic Rhodes and Joseph Addai. Maybe we can read something into this Peyton Manning quote to get a better idea who is going to get the bulk of the action: "I’m really happy with the way Dominic and Joe Addai have started off training camp. Both of them have really reported in great shape, both of them have their noses in the playbook, are really trying to get comfortable within this system. We feel good with both of those guys in there.”
Thanks for clearing that up.

--Note to self: When drafting stay away from Raiders.

--No more all-important weather segments with Jillian Barberie on Fox.

--You think the Texans had bad music, check out the Panthers.

--Charley Casserly got the job he left the Texans for, oh wait he didn’t. Instead he got a job as an analyst with CBS. Great. Can’t wait to hear his great insight. Deep breath, count to 5, release. Serenity now….serenity now…serenity now.
Thanks for the memories.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Big shock Shanna Moakler and Travis Barker are divorcing. I’d rather watch a Next! marathon than one second of Meet the Barkers.
Moakler is also on the next edition of Dancing With The Stars. Joining the apparently horrible parent (according to Travis) will be Emmitt Smith, Tucker Carlson (gag me with a bowtie), Jerry Springer, Vivica A. Fox (need work much?), Harry Hamlin, Joey Lawrence (whoa, I think he’s trying to go by Joe now, whatever Joey), Mario Lopez, Sara Evans (who?), Willa Ford (nice) and Monique Coleman (I have no idea). Because I follow this way too closely...Joey gets Edyta who was previously with Evander and George Hamilton. Harry gets my favorite Ashly. Emmitt gets last year's winner Cheryl.

--On Thursday Ultimate Fighter 4 begins on Spike and that’s a very, very good thing.

--Everyone rejoice!! RV is now out on DVD!!! C’mon Cheryl Hines you’re better than that. You too Robin, no more attempts at comedy for you. Stick with the creepy character that you’ve become money at.

--There’s a I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer?!

--Despite those dumb video walls Heather took Hell’s Kitchen over Virginia. Did Charley C. help you with that draft Virginia? Gordon Ramsay’s best show is Kitchen Nightmares which occasionally comes on BBC where America gets all of its ideas.

--Kate Hudson and Chris Robinson no more?!

--Maybe you’ve seen this, maybe you haven’t. Maybe it’s sad, maybe it’s hilarious. Big Momma and Jethro chew the cud.

--DrudgeReport headline of the week: 118,000 FEMA trailer locks to be replaced; Same key opens all…

--Don’t you just love Little League Baseball…

--How hilarious was it when Suge Knight err..Saigon’s old manager dropped a Viking Quest on Vanilla Ice err…Johnny Drama? Last week it was the list of all of your lovers, this week the celebrity list, what list are we going to get next week? How solid was Martin Landau?

--Because you need to know what the world's longest slam dunk using a trampoline is…

--Just so you know…Viacom owns anything that begins with “Pimp My…”.

--Your “my bad” story of the week comes to us from La Vista, Nebraska (there’s a La Vista in Nebraska?!?). Carlos Vazquez and his girlfriend were hungry so they decided Domino’s was the way to go. The girl made the call, but instead of dialing 9-9-1 like the number starts she dialed 9-1-1. She realized her mistake and then compounded it by hanging up thereby ensuring a visit from the police. Oh I forgot to mention Carlos is wanted for a shooting two months ago. The police quickly showed up, recognized the girl, searched the apartment and found Carlos behind a stereo speaker in 30 minutes or less.

--Your quote of the week comes to us from the Holyoke Police Chief in Massachusetts. It was there that police came upon a domestic violence situation. Victor Cruz allegedly bloodied the lip and bruised up his wife Yesenia who fought back. Taking it from there is Chief Anthony Scott, “She grabbed another knife and stabbed him in the winky, and at that time he decided it was time to leave.” Cruz and his winky are in jail where winky really isn’t safe.

--There’s a lot of news in the world to keep up with and I try to bring you the important stuff…Apparently frozen sperm can be taken from long dead animals, in this case woolly mammoths, to produce offspring. It’s been a bad 27,000 year stretch for the woolly ones.
Don't call it a comeback...

--Pluto not a planet? There was a bit about this in the Chronicle over the weekend. Apparently Pluto doesn’t meet some of the standards so there’s this big conference to establish criteria for a body to be labeled a planet. The article actually stated that perhaps one factor for proponents of Pluto remaining a planet is that it is the only one of the nine planets discovered by an American. America’s international reputation is in the crapper and now we can’t even let this go??

Questions, comments, or if you make the homies say ho and the girlies want to scream...

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