Thursday, July 20, 2006

I'm Like Jimmy Walker. I'm Dyno-mite!

Same Ol’, Same Ol’

A four-game split with the Marlins and a series loss to the Cubs. Wild Card Fever…Catch It!!! I’m not ready to completely wash my hands of the 2006 Astros, but the soap dispenser is within reach and my hand is on the faucet. When Houston is bad it is really, really awful. How you gonna lose to a Chicago team which was 0-8 on Thursdays? The Cubs got their first series win at home since the end of May. Pathetic. Thursday’s game was much like Tuesday’s when the ‘Stros get behind two runs it’s pretty much over. And yet the guys are still within four games of the wild card. Yeah there are a bunch of teams in front of them. It's not like those teams are all that scary. We’ll see what happens this weekend against the first place Mets. Probably another series loss, but then the ‘Stros have three big games against the Reds. That’s when it’s time to turn it around for good.

--Besides Lance Berkman what other Astro has three 4-RBI games? That slugger Adam Everett, of course.

--Note to the government and MLB: You are making Barry Bonds a sympathetic figure. Please stop the witch-hunt. If you got something on him, bring it now and bring it strong. If not then just leave him alone.

--The Reds trading Austin Kearns, Felipe Lopez and Ryan Wagner for relievers was a bad, bad move. Gary Majewski has a blown save and a loss in his three appearances with Cincy. That’s not good. On the other end of the spectrum Eddie Guardado is 4-4 in save opportunities since coming over from Seattle.

--Tampa Bay’s Scott Kazmir and Minnesota’s Francisco Liriano faced off on Tuesday with Liriano getting the win. It was the first time in 80 years that two lefties 22 or younger with at least 10 wins matched up against each other. The last time was when Washington’s Harry Harper took the mound against some guy from Boston named Babe something or other.

--The coolest story of the week that didn’t come from ESPN’s My Wish series. On Wednesday Milwaukee’s Tony Gwynn Jr. notched his first big league hit with a double. It was 24 years to the day, to the day that his father got his first major league hit and of course, it was also a double. Crazy.

--Houston is 3-4 on its first 7 of 10 on the road. Tampa Bay just went 0-7 including a sweep at the hands of the Twins who it hasn’t beaten since June ’04.

--The Tigers took two of three against the White Sox. Chicago’s 1-4 hitters went 0-29 in the last two games. Ouch.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--As you probably know the newest in video crack, NCAA ’07, is out. I’ve barely scratched the surface on it, but it’s great as always. If you’re wondering...Notre Dame is unbeatable with the Quinn-Samardzija connection, Jamal Charles is a freakin’ beast, Florida State is back, South Carolina will average 40 points a game, UH will go undefeated and that’s about as far as I’ve explored thus far.

--SMU has a tight end named Vincent Chase?!

--We have to wait a couple more months before the new one from The Killers comes out. In the meantime we got the first single off of it, “When You Were Young.”

--I think SportsCenter has made me cry every night this week and not because they keep forcing Mobile ads on us. Those My Wish segments have been pure gold, Jerry. Each one has been just heart wrenching. The Rockies one, the Mariners one, the Eagles one and of course the ones featuring Roger Clemens and Tracy McGrady. Tracy and Kobe are perfect for things like that with kids. So personable and so good at making the kids feel comfortable instantly. If you missed them here ya go…

--Back to ESPN Mobile for a second…Merrill Lynch says ESPN the Phone will lose $135 million for the company this fiscal year. Throw in the freakin’ towel already!

--Start saving your money because come September the world’s largest plasma TV will be available. All 103 inches of glory can be yours for 6 million yen or $50,000.

--Heath Ledger as The Joker in the next Batman?! C’mon next Batman you’re better than that.
--You know how when you’re on a plane and you don’t have anything to read after your second time through the Sky Mall magazine so you decide to see if the barf bag has anything amusing written on it so you grab it and then you have to reassure the lovely woman next to you that you’re not about to lose your honey roasted peanuts despite the collection of mini red wine bottles that is piling up beside you and she says okay and then you ask her how long it’s been since she’s vomited and she lets you know without speaking a word that the conversation took a creepy turn that she’s not interested in so you apologize by telling her about your last vomiting experience only to change the story because you were remembering the second to last time and because you want to be truthful you tell her about the real last time and for some reason neither story does anything for her and then she goes to the lavatory and you wonder if she’s going to have her own story when she gets back and then you try to remember the made up name you told her was yours and then, wait, what was I going to write about. Oh yeah, US Airways is going to start putting advertisements on its barf bags. Kind of a long way to go for that, but um…yeah…sorry about that. busted out a list of the Top 50 Movie Rivalries of All-Time. At #49 we get Indy vs. The Boulder. Gotta love 47 with Chet vs. The Old 96er from The Great Outdoors. At 40 we find Andy Dufresne vs. 500 Yards of S*** Smelling Foulness. At 30 is the Titanic vs. the Iceberg although I’m not sure that was much of a fight. Carl Spackler vs. the Gopher at 22 and that has to be higher.
Also Daniel Larusso vs. Johnny Lawrence has to be higher than 17. At 12 the classic Goonies vs. Fratellis match up. Batman vs. The Joker at 9. Your top five movie rivalries as provided by # 5- Marty McFly vs. Biff. # 4- Indigo Montoya vs. The Six-Fingered Man from the top five desert island selection The Princess Bride. The Lords of Hell vs. The Babysitter from Adventures in Babysitting. I loved Elisabeth Shue back in the day too, but c’mon. Skywalker vs. Vader from Empire checks in at 2. At # 1 we find Ferris Bueller vs. Principal Rooney.
Oh, that lovely Sloane. She's married to Jason Connery (son of).

--I’m down with Clerks II in as much as I’ll wait for it on DVD. I’ll probably even watch the entire movie unlike Good Morning America movie critic Mr. Joel Siegel who stayed for all of 40 minutes. Siegel was watching a screening with well-behaved critics when he got up and let everyone know what he was thinking, "Time to go! First movie I've walked out of in 30 [bleeping] years!" Kevin Smith responded on his MySpace with this eloquence, "I don't need Joel Siegel to [bleep] my [bleep] the way he apparently [bleeps] M. Night Shyamalan's, gushing over his flick ['The Lady in the Water'] before he's even seen it, but [bleep] man, man - how about a little common [bleeping] courtesy? You never, never disrupt a movie, simply because you don't like it. Cardinal rule of moviegoing: Shut your [bleeping] mouth while the movie's playing.

--By the way, the only movie I’ve ever walked out of was The Big Hit.

--Does anyone have anything nice to say about M. Night Shyamalan’s Lady in the Water? If so, I haven’t heard it.

--In “it was a matter of time” news…YouTube is getting sued. Robert Tur, who shot the video of Reginald Denny getting beat down during the ’92 riots in L.A., says the video is on the site without his permission and hurts his ability to license the video. YouTube has basically told him to bring it because they comply with everything it is supposed to. The site has taken off the clip. At least Tur isn’t crazy about what he’s asking in his lawsuit. He simply wants $150,000 per violation (per viewing) and there were only about 1,000 of those so he’s being reasonable. Either way what your day is missing is a little Rico Suave.

--I did see The Matador with Pierce Brosnan the other day. Not as good as I thought it’d be and it feels longer than 97 minutes. However, the music is outstanding. Anything that can incorporate both Asia’s “Heat of the Moment” and The Killers’ “All These Things I’ve Done” is okay by me.

--If you’re keeping score at home Oprah = not gay. Lance Bass = gay.

--For the next week you can bid on Matthew McConaughey’s 1971 Chevy Corvette Stingray convertible. All proceeds go to Oprah Winfrey’s Angel Network Hurricane Katrina and Rita recovery efforts. Opening bid is $42,000.

Wooderson: Say, man you got a joint?
Mitch: No, not on me, man.
Wooderson: It’d be a lot cooler if you did.

--This week back in 1989 the Beastie Boys unleashed Paul’s Boutique. Gotta love that.

--Bad move with the haircut Steve Nash.

--Questions, comments or if despite Vince’s stupid decision you think Eric had the best week ever…

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