Friday, June 16, 2006

Break to Your Crib, Change Your Clothes Once More, 'Cause You're Invited to a Barbecue That's Starting at 4

You Don’t Want None Of This

Nice job by the hometown team coming up with three straight road wins for the first time this season. Those wins in some part because of the Astros, but in larger part due to the Cubs simply sucking. The suckfest continues with the Royals coming into town. Kansas City is the only team, which is still shy of the 20-win mark. It also has all of 7 wins in 36 games away from home. No one has given up more runs and no one has scored fewer. They’ve used 12 different starters this year. If that still doesn’t tell you how horrible the Royals are then how about this? They will have Scott Elarton and Brandon Duckworth starting this weekend. Elarton has allowed 6 HRs in his last three starts. You almost feel bad about this upcoming sweep. Almost.

--Greg Maddux hadn’t lost at home this season until the Astros took care of bidness. Maddux is 3rd on the all-time win list versus the Astros. He’s beaten them 26 times. Number 2 on that list is Bob Gibson who beat Houston 29 times. Who’s # 1? John Smoltz? Fernando Valenzuela? Floyd Youmans? No, none other than Steve Carlton who beat the ‘Stros 33 times.

--Albert Pujols’ stint on the DL has given a certain outfielder the chance to pass him up on the hit list since 2001. Ichiro has the most hits since that time. Now in the 2nd spot on that list is former Marlin, current Cub Juan Pierre.

--The most heart-warming story of the week comes to us from philanthropist and sometimes Dodgers pitcher Odalis Perez. Like many athletes Odalis set up disadvantaged youths with free tickets for games. He’s number 45 and that’s how many tickets he made available, well until L.A. pulled him from the rotation. He gets pulled and the tickets go with him. Sorry kids, but I suck (4-2, 6.90 ERA) and so you must pay after all I’m only making $8.75 million this year. L.A. isn’t good and so had to put him back in the rotation. So “O’s 45” was back in business, right? Wrong. Why? Odalis with the quote of the year, "When you spend your own money you want to be recognized for that. I don't want to be a hero, but just pay more attention to what I'm doing. People don't want to give me recognition for it.”
Consider yourself recognized, jerk.

--Carl Crawford’s name keeps getting mentioned in trade rumors. Not that this shouldn’t happen anyway, but Bud should step in and contract that franchise immediately if it trades Crawford.

--Way back in the day when I would sit at games and fill out ballot after ballot for the All-Star Game I would write in Joel Youngblood’s name because he went to high school with my parents. Sadly Youngblood never made it although he is the only Major Leaguer to play with two different teams on the same day and was voted Most Handsome Junior.
Anyway, Pittsburgh’s Freddy Sanchez has more write-in votes, 123,768, than anyone else thus far.

--And here I thought Houston’s 5-5 homestand was bad. Arizona went 1-9 on its recent 10-game stand.

--Not only have the Mets won 8 straight, but they’ve also led by at least four runs in each of those games.

2-2

I’ve been leaving the Heat for dead since they opened against the Bulls. So the last two games have surprised the hell out of me. What kind of numbers would Dwyane Wade be putting up if he wasn’t hurt? The guy is just sick. Paging Dirk Nowitzki. We’ll see what happens on Sunday, but how can you not think Miami will win that one? I started with Mavericks in 7 and sadly still think I’ll be right.

--Not surprisingly Dirk’s 2 made field goals were his fewest this season. Dallas’ 7 points in the 4th were the fewest any team has scored in any quarter in any Finals.

--Obviously Shaq is terrifyingly bad from the free throw line. For the Finals he’s 11-32 for 34%, but he’s got company in Miami with Udonis Haslem just 2 of 6 and both Antoine Walker and Shandon Anderson 0-2. As a team the Heat is shooting 58% to the Mavs’ 77%.

--Dallas has three key cogs shooting under 40%…Dirk- 36%, Jerry- 35%, and Josh- 38%.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--What kinds of rewards did you get from your parents for not acting a fool? Candy? Toys? Pizza? Marijuana? Some puffin’ parents in Arizona are in trouble after smoking some of Arizona’s finest with their 11 and 12-year-old sons. The parents were arrested and face child enhancement…err, endangerment charges.

--I hope we see more of Jimmy Woods and Johnny Drama. Not to mention Jimmy Woods’ arm ornament.
Not a great season opener, but it’s just nice to have the boys back. Zach Braff and Mandy Moore are no more. Coincidence this comes the same week as Mandy and Vince’s Aqua-Man?

--Seriously another Garfield movie?! For the love of Jennifer Hewitt why???

--Another week, another senior prank that doesn’t include dropping baby chicks off a second floor balcony, so that’s nice. A group of seniors at Pleasant Hill High in Oregon decided to go to school in style…on riding mowers. Let’s hear from Kodi with a ‘k’ and an ‘i’, "We wanted to make people wait. We were trying to teach them a lesson -- not to hurry." The mower train slowed traffic on a highway to 10 MPH. I’m sure drivers were amused.

--Jessica Simpson and Jared Leto?! I know I’ve mentioned this before, but Leto’s Requiem for a Dream is the best movie I absolutely refuse to watch again.

--I watched the exciting, thrilling, punch a second bout between Antonio Tarver and Bernard Hopkins. B-Hop won. Congratulations and even though it’s boxing I think Bernard is actually going to stay retired. That’s a good thing.

--I finally got around to watching the Sopranos season finale. Oh boy! Thankfully Deadwood is back and the first episode of that beat any episode of the Sopranos this year.

--ECW has its “own” show on Sci-Fi channel on Tuesday nights. The two highlights for me were this incredibly hot blonde doing some sort of striptease which was totally out of place and totally fine with me. The other highlight was the introduction of a zombie wrestler who grabbed the mic and moaned and groaned a bit before getting squashed. Please give the zombie character a push. If zombies can’t get a push in wrestling then where can they? Besides shouldn’t we try to make friends with the undead since at some point they will take over the world?
They just want a chance at the title....and brains. Is that so wrong?

--Anytime you want to start playing futbol is fine with me, U.S.A. That was freakin’ pathetic against the Czechs.

--Orlando Bloom and Claire Danes?! Kate Bosworth/Lois Lane to the curb?
Jimmy, Super and Lois.

--Jermain Taylor and Winky Wright on Saturday in an intriguing, fascinating, and more importantly free fight on HBO.

--Weird Al is back with “You’re Pitiful,” and I think you know what song that’s mocking.

--Usually I have complete confidence in polls, but one in Esquire claims that American men if inviting male guests would most like to have dinner with Jack Bauer? Mario Batali? Barry Bonds? no. Checking in at number 1 was Jay freakin’ Leno. Huh? He’s followed by Dubya, Bill Clinton and George Clooney.

--Not that you will or have watched, but the last couple of Stanley Cup games have been great. Before the last game in Edmonton this guy who I guess always does the anthems first did ours, which was nice. Then he sings the first stanza of “O Canada” and then holds the microphone up to the crowd and lets them sing the rest. It was loud, proud, and the coolest thing I’ve seen in a long time.

--The National Father’s Day Council has declared LL Cool J the Father of the Year. Now you know.

--Cher calls C-Span and is a friend of Lou Dobbs?!

--If you’re looking for a golf tournament and to support a good cause…The Frank Ozuna III Memorial Golf Tournament comes your way June 25th at Battleground in Deer Park. Mr. Ozuna passed away in early May after a head-on collision in which the other driver came across the center line. He left a wife, 14-year-old son, and 10-year-old daughter who is still in a wheelchair. For reservations please contact Ricardo Palomo at 281-282-9185. Thank you.

Questions, comments, or if your fantasy World Cup team needs a kick in the buttocks…

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