Thursday, April 20, 2006

Just starvin' like Marvin for a Cool J. song

Who Wants Some?

This sure is shaping up to be one boring trip to the World Series. Thankfully the bullpen is keeping things somewhat interesting. Lance Berkman and Morgan Ensberg are crushing and if Preston (swing and a miss) Wilson gets it going forget about it. How about the bottom of the order guys? Yeah, Adam Everett and Brad Ausmus probably won’t both be over .300 a week from now, but right now it sure is fun. That wild one on Wednesday is going to be hard to top. I don’t think the HR Derby at Minute Maid two years ago featured as many straight-up blasts as that game had. I have a hard time believing Prince Fielder’s shot went only 410 feet. Gabe Gross doesn’t start for Milwaukee, why again? Anyway another series, another series win. Next up the last place Pirates. So Pittsburgh would you like your butts kicked or simply handed to you?

--Jason Lane has 14 walks already. Lane had a whopping 32 all of last season and 16 the year before.

--The only starter who has yet to allow a homer? Wandy Rodriguez.

--Congratulations to Brad Lidge and Dan Wheeler for being the only relievers with ERAs under 6.00.

--Mini-Preston a.k.a. Charlton Jimerson has 27 strikeouts in 63 at-bats with Round Rock. IN 13 games at Corpus Hunter Pence is hitting .385 with 4 HRs and 14 RBIs. In 11 games in low-A Koby Clemens is hitting .212 with 10 RBIs.

--We can probably do without the Smile Cam. I mean all you’re doing is showing someone on the big screen. We don’t need a special cam name for that.

--If you hurry you can buy the 8 x 10 autographed Tim Redding picture I saw at the souvenir shop at Minute Maid. It’ll cost you a mere $42. That’s a joke, right. Surely you meant $4.20.

--Congratulations to Derek "Operation: Shutdown" Bell for being pulled over and found with a still warm crack pipe in his car.

Yeah, That’s About Right

The Rockets season was done a long, long time ago and officially done on Wednesday. In case you missed it then let me tell you what happened. Down 1 to the best team in the Western Conference Rafer Alston stepped to the free throw line with 7.5 seconds left in Houston’s season. Clank. Clank. Game over. Fan-tastic. We’ll find out Friday whether the Rockets pick 8th or 9th. We could be talking about a possible selection at # 6, but noooooo Chuck Hayes had to make his first lay-up of the season in beating the sliding Nuggets. Oh well, nobody’s perfect.

--The Rockets finished with a .366 winning percentage at home (15-26) while going for a .463 percentage at 19-22. That’s the biggest discrepancy (97 points for those of you who are math-challenged) since the ’76-’77 Celtics.

--Fan favorite Chuck Hayes came up with 14 in that finale, which was a career best.

--The games are set and the playoffs get rolling on Saturday. The Pistons and Spurs look like they’re on the best collision course since Jay-Z and Linkin Park. I’ll take the Mavericks over the Grizzlies and the Clippers over the Nuggets. I think it may go seven, but the Suns will get past Kobe who will go for 40+ in three of the games. In the East I’ll take the Nets over the Pacers and the Lebrons over the Wizards even though there’s a rumor that nobody beats the Wiz. My upset pick has the Bulls eliminating 2 seed Miami.

--Tilt your 40...Greg Ostertag is retiring. We shall, somehow, move on.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Celebrity Cooking Showdown on NBC proved not all food-related programming is money. By the way, is there a better hour of Food Network programming than 10:30-11:30 AM on weekdays when Boy Meets Grill and Molto Mario are on back-to-back? I think not.
Bobby and his wife, Stephanie, who is on some NBC legal drama (which probably doesn't narrow things down for you).

--Good luck to Tom and Katie’s kid. She’ll need it.

--I’m more of a Cheez-Its guy than Cheese Nips, but the new Cheese Nip Chips are strong. However it comes in those bags that have that long sticker that’s supposed to fasten over the bag once you roll it down. Does this sticker ever work more than once? C’mon Cheese Nip Chips, c’mon Popables, y’all are better than that.

--Scary headline of the week: Hiccups a possible sign of cancer: study…

--Fantastical headline of the week: Panasonic unveils 103-inch TV screen.

--Jack White has another band to go along with the White Stripes. Jack is part of The Raconteurs whose debut album drops in May. That’s a very, very good thing judging by the single that’s out now. Perhaps that album will finally get me to end the reign of Death Cab for Cutie on my iPod.

--Just because Bob Saget got some cool points for his spot on Entourage doesn’t mean he should be doing his comedy act in front of drunken college students. Apparently Northwestern’s students feel the same as they heckled him during a recent concert. The ladies in the crowd threw tampons on the stage with their phone numbers written on them. Stay classy, Northwestern.

--There’s a! Ladies if you’re interested apparently Charlie Sheen is trolling around there. You think you get lies on other online dating services can you imagine the b.s. on that site? has a list of 59 things men should never do past the age of 30. Let’s take a look at some…

-Use a wallet fastened by Velcro (umm, yeah, you probably shouldn’t do that past the age of 12.)
-Ask a woman, “Hey you got a license for that ass?” (so this is acceptable for 25-year-olds to ask?)
-Skip (really what male skips past the age of 8?)
-Name pets after Middle Earth characters.
-Wake up to a “morning zoo.” (waking up to John, Lance and Jeremy…highly recommended)
-Hug amusement park characters (once again who does this once you discover girls?)
-Choose 69 as his jersey number (sadly there are many men who don’t follow this advice)
-Eat Oreo cookies in stages (why the hell not?)
-Call “shotgun” before getting in a car. (agreed, just get in the back and shut up)
-Put less than $10 worth of gas in the tank (impossible nowadays)
-Keep a miniscule amount of marijuana extremely well hidden. (agreed, why hide it?)
-Watch the Pink Floyd laser light show at the planetarium (but it’s been so long, just one more trip?)

--On you can bet on who Terrell Owens will first get into a verbal/physical confrontation with as reported on Drew Bledsoe is –400. Next is Bill Parcells at +100. Jerry Jones +300. Mike Vanderjagt +400. Drew Henson +500. Terry Glenn +1000. Roy Williams +2000. Give me the field at +200.

--It’s so sad that the highlight of my Thursday was finding out who was going to be on the cover of Madden ’07. The curse will be put to the test with the durable Shaun Alexander getting the cover. Of course, he signed that big contract as well so that’s a double jinx which may cancel each other out or he’ll tear an ACL in week one. Either way he won’t be on my fantasy team.
How'd that work out for ya?

--Your dumbass by tragic circumstances of the week comes to us from Florida. It was there Maria Ramoutar and her sister were on their way back from Miami Beach in separate cars. Maria spotted a fiery crash on the road and did what any good citizen would do…she taped it using her cell phone. Unfortunately she was taping the death of her sister and three other people. Now Maria says she wishes she would’ve done something beyond just taping it all. Dumbass.

--This week back in the great year known as 1989 Milli Vanilli unleashed "Baby Don't Forget My Number" and the world was never the same.
"I sat back and thought about the things we used to do, it really meant a lot to me. You mean a lot to me."
Girl: "I really mean that much to you?"
Milli: "Girl, you know it's true."
I can't remember what I did last night, but I can recite every Milli Vanilli lyric there is. Gift or curse?

--I'll never jump ship on 24 (though not giving Tony Almeida a silent clock was inexcusable), but please just a tad more believability.

--My next big (considering I work in radio) purchase, the first season of BBC's The Office.
There's funny then there's Ricky Gervais.

--In NBC Office news the network is finally offering...
I must have this.

--Your worthless human being of the week comes to us from Charlotte, North Carolina. There an 18-year-old piece of crap was visiting with his 3-month-old baby. This moron put brandy, brandy! in the baby’s bottle because he “wanted to get tipsy with his son.” It’s a mad world.

--Video crack thy name is Fight Night Round 3.

--"Get your paw off me you dirty grizz." I've said it many a time, the first segment of The Colbert Report is pure gold.

--Because you need to know where countries stack up in terms of the percentage of its citizens are sexually satisfied. This courtesy of University of Chicago researchers. Austria is at the top of the list with 71.4% satisfied with their sex lives. Spain, Canada and Belgium follow with the U.S. rounding out the top five. The bottom five: Thailand, China, Indonesia, Taiwan and finally Japan. Now you know…

Questions, comments, or if you eat ballpark peanuts with the shell on...

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