Thursday, March 02, 2006

How Long Until Opening Day?

Time to wash my hands of this Rockets season. Just disgusting.

February is in the books and the Rockets went 10-3 over the 28 days. As you might expect it wasn’t a good month for Tracy on or off the court. On the court Tracy shot a miserable 35% and just 26% from the arc. He averaged his fewest points (19.4) and fewest rebounds (5.3) of any month this season. C’mon T-Mac turn the page. Yao averaged over 21 points and 11.4 rebounds a game while also shooting 51% from the field and 85% from the line. The guy has been money and the future is looking really bright. Statistically Rafer Madness had a better January than February, but not by much. His 3-point percentage was a decent 36%, but just 57% from the line. How does that happen? Skip averaged just over 8 assists and continues to push this team up the floor in a controlled manner. David Wesley had another 40%+ month of shooting from beyond the arc and 48% from the field overall. Luther Head played the fewest amount of minutes (20) than in any other month, but for the first time shot better than 40% from the field. Like in January, Stromile played just 7 games in February putting up his best shooting percentages for whatever that’s worth.

--The Rockets are still looking for a win in their own division and that’s just sad. Granted it’s the toughest division in the league, but still.

--The NBA’s leading scorer in February was Paul Pierce at 33.5 per. Kevin Garnett averaged 14.5 rebounds to lead everyone. Yao’s 11.4 was good for 7th. Brevin Knight was your assists leader at 10.7. Rafer’s 8.2 was just behind Steve Nash’s 8.6.

--No one likes going to Toyota Center for games judging by the crowd and the crowd’s noise level. So why do they insist on these Sunday night games?! It makes zero sense.

White Russian=Good….Wife Russian=Great!!!!!

I think a lot of married men liked what Larry’s lovely wife, Cheryl, gave to him for their 10-year anniversary. Cheryl gave Larry a pass to have relations with another woman for one night. Masha Lopatova has kicked that up a notch. This forward thinking woman gives her husband and new American hero Andrei Kirilenko one free pass every single year. The former Russian pop star told ESPN the magazine, “What's forbidden is always desirable. And athletes, particularly men, are susceptible to all the things they are offered. It's the same way raising children - If I tell my child, 'No pizza, no pizza, no pizza,' what does he want more than anything? Pizza.”
Exactly! What a woman, she lets her husband be and gives the kids pizza. What’s that Russian mail-order bride phone number? Another nugget from the Mrs., “If I know about it, it’s not cheating.” Andrei says that he’s not planning on doing anything. That might be a smart move because this could all be one very clever trap because clearly he’s dealing with an intelligent, beautiful and almost too-cool woman.

One Wild and Crrraaazzzeeee Guy

How funny was it when Barry Bonds dressed up like Paula Abdul to judge Giants rookies’ singing? Oh, that Barry, so beloved, so funny, so cherished by fans and teammates alike. He really has changed and become a man we can love and be happy for once he breaks Babe Ruth’s 714. I know I’ll be rooting for him every step of the way. How can you not? Just because he was a ‘roided up jerk for the bulk of his career, look at him now. Ch-ch-changes. Phony idiot. Just go away and take your “reality” show with you

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Worst news I’ve heard all week…Boondocks creator Aaron McGruder is taking six months off beginning March 27th. Oh well, at least his can’t miss animated series was picked up for another season. Sunday nights on Cartoon Network at 10 if you’re interested and you should be.

--Much like Nick Cannon, The Weatherman is hil-ari-ous. Gotta love seeing a grown man get pelted with a Big Gulp and burrito among other fast food items.

--The always-reliable Page 6 is reporting that Showtime has picked up 26 episodes of Arrested Development. That would be a very, very good thing.

--Two of my most favorite things in life are movies and curse words so let’s discuss. says that Crash has the most curse words of any of this year’s Best Picture nominees with 182 including 99 variations of the F-bomb. The record for most profanities for a Best Picture winner? That would be Platoon with 329, shocking I know.

--Your sore loser of the week comes to us from Milwaukee. That’s where a paternity suit went the man’s way. So when the man and woman left court the woman decided to go Reservoir Dogs on him and tear off his ear. Except she didn’t have a straight razor, no, all she had was her teeth.

--I’m sure by now you’ve seen the video of the autistic kid who caught fire in his only appearance on the basketball team. The link is below on last Friday’s entry if you missed it. Not surprisingly over two dozen production companies, including Disney and Warner Brothers, have contacted the parents about the story.

--We all know from our elementary days that if we didn’t bring enough for the class then we better not get busted for bringing candy or gum or cocaine to school. A 2nd grade girl in Philadelphia knew this rule and so brought 18 bags of the white lady to share with her classmates. Some treated it like Pixie candy and ate away. Yeah, those kids went to the hospital, but apparently are all okay. A teacher took up the bags and the party is still going on in the teacher’s lounge.

--Favorite headline this week: Pet Shop Boys Knock ID Cards, Blair, Bush in new tracks. The Pet Shop Boys are still relevant in the UK?!

--Jessica Alba is on the cover of March’s Playboy. Unfortunately she’s not inside.

--Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa…Jane Fonda has a sex tape with another woman and Ted Turner?!

--On Tuesday we had the dumbass who thought he could jump from his 8th floor balcony to one two floors below. Today we have Rachel Kozlusky of Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. She was sitting on the windowsill of her boyfriend’s 23rd floor apartment when, for some reason, according to her boyfriend she got the urge to bang her feet on the window below her. So she asked her man for an assist. He said she slipped from his hands and that was that. Of course, the cops are thinking homicide so we’ll see.

--One more week until The Sopranos!!! Woke up this morning...

--This week back in 1995 one my CD selections were I to be stranded on a Lost island was certified Platinum. That would be NIN's "Pretty Hate Machine."

--Joaquin Phoenix and Eva Mendes?! She could go a long way in Matt and Adam's upcoming Babe Bracket. Then again I would have thought Beyonce would have been an easy winner over Jennifer Love Hewitt last year.

--Nick Lachey and Alyssa Milano?!

--I know most of your entire weekends hinged on what happened in the battle of state pies in Florida. Rest easy the issue is settled. Despite the urging of some, pecan pie will not take over key lime pie as Fla's state pie. My vote goes to key lime as well. By the way, my exhaustive research indicates Texas doesn't have a state pie. However, I found out our state vegetable is the sweet onion, our state fish is Guadalupe bass, and our state cooking implement is a cast iron dutch oven. Cast iron rules!!

I need this.

--Your dumbass criminal of the week comes to us from Georgia. Robert Holcombe was described by a bartender at a local strip club as "Norm" from Cheers. That's not good unless you happen to have a helluva lot of money. Holcombe did not so how did he try to get some dough. By killing his wife, of course. Yeah, first he tried breaking a natural gas line to the water heater to cause an explosion. That didn't work. Next up he started the car in the garage and hoped the bedroom would fill with carbon monoxide because he had drilled a hole and put a hose from the tailpipe into the bedroom. That didn't work. Then came two attempts with poisons. Those failed. Next dumbass dad sought help from his son. Yeah, sonny decided to tape the conversation and alert the police. No more boobies for dumbass.

--Your e-Bay item of the week: Brokeback Mountain pez dispensers.

--If you didn't get enough of the Joker in this year's Dancing with the Stars don't worry Lisa "wait 'til they get a load of me" Rinna will be co-hosting with Tom Bergeron next season.

Questions, comments or if you wish they still made shrinky-dinks...

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