Friday, February 03, 2006

It's The 'Tribes Y'all, Real Live Y'all

Shut The F*** Up and Play Ball!!!

This game had better make up for a lackluster postseason. I think it will. I just can’t wait until kickoff because I’m so sick and tired of this Joey Porter/Jerramy Stevens crap. This is not a headline story; it’s barely a story at all. It’s just a loudmouth linebacker who enjoys the sound of his own voice. This is what Seattle’s Stevens said about Jerome Bettis’ return to Detroit, which started this whole thing, "It's a heartwarming story and all that, but it will be a sad day when he leaves without that trophy." Oh dear Lord, after reading it again I’ve totally changed my mind. I mean the way Stevens talked about Joey’s mother like that, not to mention the clear guarantee of victory, and let’s not forget how he called Joey “brokeback.” Oh my! After looking at that quote again I can’t believe the authorities haven’t stepped in. I hope Stevens didn’t utter anything else so inflammatory, so outrageous. Uh-oh. Stevens said, "He had a huge game in the AFC championship game coming off the edge on the blitz. I don't think he is going to have such an easy day against Walt, though." Oh no, I can’t believe Jerramy would stoop so low as to say an opponent is going to have a tough time with a Hall of Fame left tackle. What is this guy thinking?! I won’t bother printing any of Joey’s quotes because you’ve probably heard them and if you heard one of them you heard ‘em all. Oh well, at least now I have a team to root for and not just because of that loudmouth, but also because just about everyone is going with the Steelers. And when everyone is going one way the smart move is to go the other. Seattle- 24 Pittsburgh- 21.

--During their 2, no 4, no 6, Baker’s Dozen!, okay really just 4 trips to the Super Bowl in the 70’s Pittsburgh won just one road game. They’ve won three in a row this postseason.

--The longest fumble return in history belongs to??????? Leon Lett, of course, who rumbled 64 yards in Super Bowl XXVI.

--Matt Hasselbeck hasn’t thrown a pick in his last five games.

--Media Day brought about the usual fun assortment of questions. The Cheap Seats’ Sklar brothers asked Seattle punter Tom Rouen, "If you had a nickel for every time someone said this game was about punting, how much money would you have?" Rouen said, “a nickel.” Another appropriate question asked was, “What’s the hardest you’ve ever farted?” Mo Rocca asked several Seahawks players, “Which would hurt more—losing to Pittsburgh or sitting on the Space Needle?”

--Mike Tice to the Jaguars?! One less team for the Texans to worry about. Congratulations to Tice for already committing a tampering violation.

--I must have Big Ben's shirt. Gotta love it.

--Who is the all-time leader in halftime performances????? Your favorites and mine, the “Up with People” singers. Fantastic.

--Hines Ward has 7 touchdown catches in his last 7 postseason games.

--If the Steelers win they would narrowly avoid having the worst regular season record for a S.B. winner. They went 11-5 while the Niners went 10-6 before S.B. XXIII.

--Five Seahawks have experienced the Super Bowl, but only Willie Williams has for the Steelers.

--There has never been a punt return for a TD in Super Bowl history.

--Backup QB Jason Garrett has three rings while playing exactly zero downs in the big game.

--The fewest number of points scored in a Super Bowl was 21 when the Dolphins beat the Redskins 14-7 in S.B. VII that clinched Miami’s perfect season.

--Super Bowl IV was the first to use roman numerals.

--For what its worth and it ain’t much both the Professor and Mary Ann are picking Seattle. Vanilla Ice is also going with the Seahawks. My boy Bobby Flay is going with Pittsburgh.
Mr. and Mrs. Flay

--Tony Kornheiser on Monday Night Football?!

Too Legit Too Quit

The Rockets have yet to win back-to-back games at home this entire season. I guess that’s not surprising considering their Toyota Center record of 5-15. Still that’s pretty sorry. If they don’t do it Friday night then it ain’t happening this season. And until it happens I’m not wasting any more of my time writing about them.

--LeBron James notched career triple double number 7 on Wednesday night.

--In absolutely shocking news Antonio Davis’ wife was charged with misdemeanor battery for a traffic altercation back in October. Mrs. Davis allegedly ran a stop sign and then was confronted by another female driver. At that point Mrs. Davis allegedly threw her coffee into the woman’s car. For her part Mrs. Davis said she did that after the other woman used a racial slur.

--You say “ball hog” Kobe says, “win hog.”

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--You ever gotten into an elevator with your dog on a leash only to have said dog jump out at the last second before the doors close leaving you inside hanging on to a leash. Me neither, but Barbara Abernethy of Kansas City did. The elevator was summoned to the third floor and the dog, Missy, was pinned against the ceiling of the first floor. At that point two women walked in and freed the dog, which wasn’t breathing. So Mary Lou Marten took things into her own hands and gave the dog mouth-to-snout resuscitation. It worked and the dog is living happily ever after. Mouth-to-snout resuscitation?!

--Sadly a sponsorship conflict has caused Dennis Rodman to withdraw as commissioner of the Lingerie Bowl.

--Virginia Madsen is the front-runner for the lovely lovely in the next Indiana Jones movie. That’s a good thing.
Mr. Blonde and sister.

--Zach Braff and Mandy Moore are getting married?! Get her out of your system, Vince.

--Will you marry me Stacy Keibler?

--Apparently Nick Lachey has landed former Miss Kentucky Lizzie Arnold.

--Heather Locklear and Richie Sambuca er…Sambora are done.

--Last week I mentioned the ridiculous bills up in Kentucky that are on the table. In Georgia State Representative Carl Rogers introduced a bill that would prohibit police officers from pulling over truckers carrying live poultry on days hotter than 85 degrees. Huh? The cops can pull trucks over in that situation only if they suspect illegal activity and it takes less than 10 minutes. I repeat, huh?

--A drunk driver in Minnesota crashed into a house the other day. What to do? What to do? Well this guy decided to just go ahead and make himself comfortable on a bed and go to sleep. For some strange reason he was arrested. Go figure.

--The Contender is finally back. Sunday February 12th on ESPN Peter Manfredo Jr. will take on Scott Pemberton. Peter is 14 years younger than Scott and in Pemberton’s last bout three months ago he lasted just two rounds against Jeff Lacy who is pretty damn good so who knows what’ll happen. Alfonso Gomez is on the undercard. The series resumes on ESPN in July.

--The Chronicles of Narnia sequel is in the works. Hopefully a Lazy Sunday 2 is on the horizon as well.

--The Killers have released the first twenty dates on their North American tour set for the spring. Sadly Texas isn’t included yet and I stress yet. Wherever I have to go I will see them.

--Did I miss winter?

--Rest In Peace Chris Christmon. We’ll miss you.

Questions, comments, or if you actually know someone that didn’t laugh at Lazy Sunday…

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