And we're puttin' it on wax. It's the new style.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--I thought watching the premiere of Spartacus I’d come up with some dog name ideas. Little did I know it wouldn’t be Spartacus or Gannicus, but Crassus as the favorite. Spartacus has a worthy foe indeed.

Gladiator – “You command me to kill you?”
Crassus – “I command you to try.”
Bloody damn fine start with the obligatory beheading in the first five minutes signaling the beginning of the season. I really liked the direction of this episode and transitions as we essentially got the Spartacus and Crassus tale of the tape. It is going to be f’n on! Like double-beheading type of on!
There just isn’t a more fun watch on television than Spartacus.

--Justified had to take a breath at some point and this week was it. Raylan’s girl and MMA boyfriend was a yawner to me, but it did provide some quality Rachel/Raylan time which was nice. I’m liking Ray-chel.
I’m going with Ellie May/Ellen May/Ella May being kidnapped by preacher’s sister.

--Chris Brown and Frank Ocean were involved in a fight? According to sources connected with Chris Brown it was Frank Ocean’s fault? Welp, guess there’s nothing to do here. Chris Brown is a victim again. Poor guy.

--I knew ever since I sat next to Ashley Judd at a Grand Prix of Houston press conference back in 2005 that she’d leave Dario Franchitti. You just don’t exchange pleasantries like we did without a sense of a real future being involved. I do find it odd she hasn’t contacted me yet though. Must be waiting for the press to calm down.

--I always get Jason and Jeremy London confused. Not anymore though. Jeremy was the one in Mallrats and 7th Heaven. Jason is the one who crapped in the back of a police cruiser after getting his ass kicked.

Woulda bet money it would have been the dude on the left.

--Yeah, maybe you’re just inviting trouble if you’re going to wear a shirt that has the words “prepare to die” on an airplane. But if those words are preceded by, “Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father.” Well that should take care of that. So yeah the Australian flight this guy got on with that shirt made him take it off which begs the question. How did we not export The Princess Bride to Australia?  Were we mad at them for the whole Yahoo Serious thing?

--Archer as Bob was great, but holy hell Gene as Bob was fantastic.
“At least you know your shoulders will never go bald.”
Lynn’s reactions to her “Muppet Baby Bob” were the best.
Grandpa Muenster Burger (10% senior discount).

--Well damn Downton. What’d Sybil ever do to you?

--Girls needed to change coke to ecstasy and then, well do something other than that with Marnie. Not the bad friend stuff, but the Booth Jonathan crap.
Why in the hell couldn’t the ex-junkie Laird kiss Hannah and then tell her she was going to get Jamm’d? Interesting character for that show. Hope we see him again.

--Christoph Waltz on SNL in February? Interesting.

--Demetrious Johnson Mighty Mouse >>>> Damon Stoudamire Mighty Mouse.  

I don't know what's what in his weight class.  All I know is Anthony Pettis needs a title shot.

--Yeah, I love eating in Vegas and all, but maybe not so much eating while dangling by a crane 180 feet up in the air.

--Under the headline “January Jones on Mad Men’s Sixth Season.”
“I’m in it more.”
Uh oh.

--There is crap for television on Mondays right now so I gave The Following a look. It was eh. Terrible dialogue. There is Natalie Zea, but really just terrible dialogue and a lot of suspension of belief.
        

     I don't know whether to laugh or be scared of those Poe masks.

--Real Husbands of Hollywood made me like Robin Thicke. Not that I disliked him. I just had no opinion of him. But damn, he and Kevin Hart are gold. Mix in JB Smoove and what looks like a cast of thousands and I’m watching BET for the first time since Video Soul. I can’t remember if it was Hart or Duane Martin when they were all hating each other, but someone told JB, “You’re the unintimidating black friend that the white lead’s girlfriends don’t wanna f***.” Show is stupid funny.


--Oh so now you don’t want flame retardants in your Gatorade?! Well excuse me your majesty. PepsiCo is taking the brominated vegetable oil out of your Gatorade because we're a bunch of wittle babies.

--Iran shot a monkey into space. Whoop-de-doo. Iran unveils a finger amputating machine for use on thieves. Okay, now you have my attention.

--The next batch of 30 for 30’s comes in March. Do we really need one on the ’82-’83 North Carolina State title team? What that one does have going for it is the same director as the Chris Herren and Marcus Dupree ones. No coincidence it’s airing the night the brackets are released. No coincidence two nights before the NFL draft a 30 for 30 on the ’83 draft class. Like the sound of that one.

--Remember the days of fire drills/free time in schools? So nice to stretch your legs and catch up with friends. Ah, the good ol’ days. Now schools are running shooting drills in case of gunmen attacks and at least one school is going the extra mile by having someone fire blanks in the hallways during the drills. That, my friends, is where we are.

--Showtime renewed its trio of current Sunday night shows. Don’t the people in Californication want Californication to end?

--I love you Killers, but $70 a ticket is asking a lot. A LOT. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll fork it over, but I won’t be happy…well until Eric Roberts jumps on the stage for Miss Atomic Bomb.

--The Office hasn’t been bad this year as I’ve somewhat paid attention, but I have zero interest in watching Roseanne Barr on it.

Questions, comments or if you’re a New Jack Ruzzler…

Bass From The Back Of My Car Feels Soothing. Eight Bazookas Is What I'm Using.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Spartacus!!!!

--About damn time Top Chef. You’ve been so dumb I actually thought Brooke might go home over Josie.

--Yeah, if I’ve got a snake stuck in my cheek the next bullet I fire is into the back of my throat. Snake attacks before opening title sequences should be mandatory for all television shows once per season. Of course I’d also demand all television shows work in Wynn Duffy once per season as well. Yeah, this isn’t going to turn out good for you Johnny.
Not sure about Raylan’s girl and her MMA ex. She knew where the money was so why was the place turned upside down?
Art – “If my stiffy lasts much longer, I’m gonna have to consult my physician.”

--Timothy Olyphant on Archer. Swoon. “I snuck into your room with a big bottle of suntan oil, put on some Al Green and…”
Line of the night to Pam – “Maybe you can shut your dick holster.”

--I haven’t watched any Californications in a couple seasons, but thankfully the Diatribes Oversight Committee helmed by @fidoz has alerted me to Maggie Grace being on the show.

                           

                    Memories.  Misty water colored memories.

--Ron’s “I love nothing!” was great. Jerry giggling as Ron ran by him was greater.

--Julius Pepperwood – Zombie Detective. Seriously, Hollywood, every week Nick Miller is trying to make you money on New Girl.

--I like how those annoying CSN commercials on 790 have started threatening that we’re going to miss Astros games. Cute.

--Not sure whether I more enjoyed watching Hannah workout or learn how to cut her bangs via YouTube. Really strong Girls this week after last week’s okay premiere. Hilariously meta to hear Sandy rattle off criticisms of Hannah/the show and get her Missy Elliott quoting reaction.
I hope that’s not the end of Sandy on the show, but wouldn’t mind if Jessa and her husband take a vacation. They could take a vacation and we could get more Ray and Shoshanna.

--The Postal Service reunion?! Yes. Although I wouldn’t mind if they prohibited UPS from running any of their songs into the f’n ground again.

--Tiffani Amber Thiessen turns 39 this week. She did an Esquire “Me in My Place.” She’s still got it and I’m pretty certain she always will.

--Maybe I’m just on an Archer high when watching, but I’m liking Legit.

--Until Thursday I seriously thought “She’s got Bette Davis eyes” was “She’s got better days to decide.” My version is way better. 

--Uproxx with a look at 13 actors who came out of the Band of Brothers/Pacific miniseries. Totally forgot Shane from Walking Dead was in Pacific and Tom Hardy was in Band of Brothers. Probably due for a revisit on BoB. I never want to revisit The Pacific and obviously that’s not because it wasn’t good, but damn…

                              

--‘Tis close to the season o’ the brackets. There shan’t be a more entertaining bracket than The Best Chappelle’s Show Sketch bracket on Grantland. Great stuff. His Final Four is:

Rick James vs. Wayne Brady

Clayton Bigsby black supremacist vs. Racial Draft

--Grantland.com also with a nice set of Braverman power rankings from Parenthood. My top five - Amber, Crosby, Max, Joel, Jabbar. (which is odd because I hated both in the first season or so), 

Didn’t really care that much for the finale though.

--Today’s dumb: ReviewerCards.

--Community promos? Don’t mind if I do.

--I thought I might like Downton Abbey after its season three premiere. Two episodes later and it’s putting me to sleep.

--If you blinked you missed Wedding Band’s run on TBS. If you blinked and rubbed your eyes you missed Don’t Trust the B on ABC.

--It looks like a movie version of Bored to Death is picking up steam. This is damn good news. In a perfect world upon its release it would be accompanied by a Life and Times of Tim short.

--Mad Men returns Sunday April 7th with a two-hour extravaganza. Hopefully Breaking Bad will be right on its heels.

--Tiger Woods and Lindsey Vonn?! Tiger is a former golfer I’m pretty sure while Vonn is an Olympic skier…or swimmer.

--Love the idea of these Good Night Lamps.


--Pretty please with a cherry on top.

--If you’re not going to believe the Daily Mail’s story about Rachael Ray’s husband visiting a swingers club multiple times with different females not named Rachael Ray then I don’t know what you’ll believe.
Oh and yes dad, I’m sure Rachael has seen the article. Make your move after the divorce.

--A Giada and Bobby talk show? Oh my.

--A Valentine’s Doomsday Preppers, “Bachelor Prepper”? Oh hell yeah. Finally legitimate Valentine’s Day programming.

--The Lingerie Football League is now the Legends Football League. Carry on.

--Papa John’s is good for one thing. Robbing. A guy in Montana started off the right way with a bandana covering his face, a big knife and handing the clerk a note demanding money. But then the would-be robber started crying which is usually indicative of a poor attempt at a robbery. The guy cried that he was just trying to feed his family and the Papa John’s clerk complied with a pizza and some wings. Poor guy had to go home and explain to his family how Papa John’s pizza was somehow better than cash.

--Very impressive Brazilian inmates. Over 26,000 were given good behavior furloughs over the holidays. All but 2,400 returned. I can only assume those 2,400 were killed by The Runts. Also where the f is my City of God DVD?!

Questions, comments or if you borrowed my City of God DVD…

Play or fold, love is bold. What is the future that will unfold?

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Why would anything change as long as Gary Kubiak and Matt Schaub have the reigns? It’s very hard to be optimistic that next season won’t have a similar conclusion. There’s certainly zero reason to expect this team will ever be able to go through the Patriots to win the AFC.

--Astros blocked a Comcast on DirecTV deal just before the Rockets season started? Bravo Jim Crane, what will you do for your next trick to annoy an increasingly apathetic fan base?
I finally went to a Rockets game to watch the new scoreboard and also the Rockets. The Rockets were blown out, but my oh my, that scoreboard.

--Dave Zirin nails it with his last lines on Notre Dame and Teo and the alleged sexual assaults: “(Athletic Director) Swarbrick’s press conference displayed that the problem at Notre Dame is not just football players without a compass; it’s the adults without a conscience. Their credo isn’t any kind of desire for truth or justice. Instead it seems to be little more than a constant effort to protect the Fighting Irish brand, no matter who gets hurt.”
Swarbrick using the word “tragedy” to describe this is a joke, right? Some f’n nerve. Jezebel and The Washington Post with the recent real tragic events at Notre Dame.

--Baseball may be months away still, but that didn’t stop an Independent League team from getting ready for “Manti Te’o Girlfriend Bobblehead Day.” Yep, fans will get an empty bobblehead box. Also a pretend Kiss Cam.

--From the moment we see Ken (Like Firewater? That’s racist) from the Wamapokes we know it’s going to be a great Parks and Rec. And then we get the first televised game of Settlers of Catan?! Are you kidding me?! Molecular mixology. Roy Hibbert. Reggie Wayne and Andrew Luck. Jamm. St. Elmo. All that AND Andy with his outstanding story of love, death, betrayal, and revenge? regarding Chris and April.
Leslie – “I’m not in the mood for historical nudity.”

--I don’t even know what to say about Archer’s season premiere. I completely forgot about the Bob’s Burgers crossover that was going to happen so it was a nice surprise to see Archer Bob and the family.  Apparently only the voice actress who does the wife was available which was a shame. Either way an incredible start to the season with that opening scene.

Archer/Bob – “For the…(spits out) sour mix in a margarita?! What is this Auschwitz?”

Bucket list – eat a bag of LSD gummy bears with Cheryl.

--I probably would go to church a lot more, or ever, if Boyd Crowder was delivering bible verses like he did against Preacher Billy in their bible-off. Helluva scene.
Wynn Duffy, as I live and breathe, how the hell are you son? Glad you survived your legitimately crazy friend and Raylan last season to put some odd creep into this season.
Just in time for the new season, Eating Our Words with a post on how to make apple pie whiskey.

--Our prayers worked America. Kriss Kross is reuniting. Remember when you were forced to choose between Team Daddy Mac and Team Mac Daddy? Lotta families never reconciled.  Heated times.  Seems silly now.  Hell, I can't even remember which one was born to "Warm It Up."

--I stopped watching Shameless about 3/4s of the way through last season. I just wasn’t interested in spending any more time with those characters. I did watch this season’s premiere and liked what I saw which was Fiona, lasers, robots, and some body hacking. I just fast-forwarded through any scene that didn’t involve those things.

--There’s goodness and then there’s 17 Most Memorable One-Liners from Heathers. Perfect list. Oh how I wish Oprah had started her interview with Lance with a snotty “What's your damage, Lance?”

--“We enlist in the Navy, quickly rise through the ranks, and then we can take her to the Naval Officers Ball.” Best line Robby will ever have on New Girl. I’m glad I got to see Dennis Farina and horses together again.

--Florida. Middle school teacher. Jug of Carlos Rossi wine. This can’t be good. It wasn’t for Mary Maloney who was on a jug o’ wine bender when she crashed into a car. She decided it would be best if she fled the scene so she did.  Unfortunately for her some witnesses followed her van until police caught up. Maloney offered the cops money to let her go. When that didn’t work she had no choice but to offer up the goods. If you can believe it (and you can judging by the mugshot) the cops turned her down.

--Ugh, dating is hard when The Man won’t let you handcuff yourself to a girl who isn’t interested. Am I right Jason Earl Dean? They were co-workers at a Taco Bell in Georgia and one day Jason was cool enough to wait until after she got off work before applying the handcuffs of love. For some reason she screamed and he was arrested. This happened a while back and he was finally sentenced this week. If you’re interested in this Lothario’s techniques get ready for four years in jail and six years on probation. Or try flowers.

--I watched in about five 20-minute segments, but Final Destination 5’s ending was a nice touch.

--Josie has done nothing to warrant her stay on Top Chef, but of course she stays and the uber-talented Kristen goes. There seems to be 12 ways to still win it even if you’re kicked off so I don’t think that’s the last of Kristen, but if it is that’s a shame. She’s probably one of the two most talented people who remained this week. If not her, then go Brooke!

--Paste with a list of its 25 albums of 2013 it's most looking forward to. Number 1 is Arcade Fire which I’ve never really listened to after being bludgeoned with “Wake Up.” However, LCD Soundsystem’s James Murphy as a contributor on the new one? I’m in.

--Good: John Harris returning to daytime radio. Bad: 1560 letting go of Del and the Taskmaster. Also bad: Dynamo games that I liked being able to listen to at night while driving around are now on the blowtorch matchstick.

--Richard Marx is probably at the head of the class when it comes to 80’s stars on the Twitter. But this is all kinds of awesome. “I’ve been getting emails from some guy who says he’s Richard Marx. I think it’s an impostor. The only thing that makes me think it might really be Richard Marx is that it’s from an AOL account.”

--I watched the first couple of episodes of Girls last season as the show was winding down. I assumed I wouldn’t like it and it didn’t do anything to dissuade my initial hesitation, but it had enough funnies to keep me interested. Also Allison Williams. Then it really started clicking halfway through and Adam made one of the more complete in-season turnarounds for a character in a comedy I’ve ever seen. What I’m saying is I like Girls.

I had no idea they were father-daughter.

--“Hi. I’m Andre Royo. I played Bubbles on the critically acclaimed TV series The Wire. But today I’m talking about a different kind of bubbles. Soap bubbles.” Best part of just an okay Bob’s Burgers last Sunday. Okay, relative to the rest of its great season.

--Of all the states I'm thinking Florida should be the last to ban drones from spying on its citizens.

--The Killing has been renewed. Cue tumbleweed.

--Don’t you hate it when you take the time to go to a car dealership, bust out the windows of 20 cars and then leave your wallet behind at the dealership? Forrest Randall doesn’t. At least he must not because that’s what genius did.

--Might be time to check if you have Fox Soccer because FXX is going to be taking it over apparently as FX’s comedy arm. Apparently the next seasons of The League and Sunny will be on it and I guess eventually FX’s other comedies like Archer and Sons of Anarchy.

Questions, comments or if you don’t really know what the hell you’re doing…

Armed insurrection, popular election. Get paid every year like tax collection.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--It's baseball.  Not sure what you expected from a complete joke of a voting process?  
I've watched and enjoyed more classic games in the past two years than I've watched current games.  

--Raylan – “You ever hear the saying: You run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole; you run into assholes all day, you’re the asshole?”
Missed you Justified and my what a rare and gratuitous flashback to reintroduce yourself. Solid premiere with Raylan taking up a bounty that, of course, has complications. And we get our angles all set up with Raylan vs. Arlo and Boyd vs. Snake Dude from The Pacific. And damn Arlo! Here I thought you’d made a friend and then you go and slice him. It should be fun to see Raylan play more detective this season. I have a feeling it’s always going to be fun to see Patton Oswalt as Constable Bob. 

Good debut for the newbies as Boyd’s MP friend gives him some much needed muscle who takes care of people when asked though Boyd may need to be a little more specific with him.
Macadamia – “The most overrated of the nuts.”
Now if you’ll excuse I need to pack my “go bag.”

--I never got around to watching the first two seasons of Downton Abbey, but I’ve been to Heathrow before and once ordered fries as “chips” so I figured I could just jump right in this season. Not bad, but I have a feeling that may be because Shirley Maclaine so ably represented the US and A.

--When I couldn’t sleep last night I just thought of Oprah interviewing Lance Armstrong.

--Right now I think Royce White has a better chance of being in the Rockets rotation this season than I do of seeing the Rockets on my TV.

--The Soup introduced me to Killer Karaoke and now I must watch. Watching does require fast-forwarding through every non-Karaoke part.  This ended ups #12 on The Soup's Clips of the Year show.  This is one of the more tame stunts on the show.


--What? You never saw Goodwill Hunting? No. If you have here’s your oral history. Although why you’d read anything from Boston this week is beyond me.

--The best part about Facebook has to be the arrests that come from postings like:
“Drivin drunk…classic ;) but to whoever’s vehicle I hit I am sorry :P.”
Dumbass. Fortunately a couple of Jacob Fox-Brown’s friends or whatever sent his message to the cops who arrested him; just not for DWI which is a shame.

--Nothing says Rodeo Houston like Pitbull.

--A gym that requires its members to be at least 50 pounds overweight? Great idea.  No, seriously.  Did that come out sarcastic?  I can't help it, but no, great idea.

--Carmelo vs. KG? C’moooooon double KO.

--Breast? Leg? Brain? Kidney? What’s the difference, right KFC?

--Nothing compares to the panic of a lost iPhone. I left mine at a Rockets game once, but it had no dating profile app like Nadal Nirenberg’s did. Nadal left his in a cab in Brooklyn. Then he noticed that someone was using his dating profile so Nadal set up a fake female profile and the trap was set. Nadal set up a date at his apartment building and the Lothario showed up with a bottle of wine and the iPhone, which he did not leave with. Awesome.

--If you have the time and you’ll need some time there’s a fascinating and disgusting 1984 Rolling Stone piece by Richard Ben Cramer on Jerry Lee Lewis and the death of his fifth wife. I’d seen Richard Ben Cramer’s name on Twitter a lot after his death and after reading this I’ve got to go look at more of his work. Terrific writing. Tragic story.

--A college professor has posted blogs that the Newtown shootings may have been staged and employed crisis actors?!?!  A Florida Atlantic University professor. Oh. Well carry on.

--I was so-so about checking out The Following later this month until I found Natalie Zea was in it. Now it’s on my Top 10 List of Favorite Shows.

She and Raylan are going to have the most beautiful and stubborn baby in the history of mankind.

--The Mavericks signed Mike James?!

--If there’s ever cross promotion I don’t need to maintain my health it’s TV shows and alcohol. It’s bad enough I drink whiskey every time someone on Justified or Mad Men does, but now there’s going to be Game of Thrones beers and a Sunny beer called Dayman Coffee IPA. There isn’t one part of Dayman Coffee IPA I don’t absolutely love.

--Just when I think I’m not going to watch the next season of Awkward they bring in Anthony Michael Hall.

--Of course a Domino's in Japan has a U.S. equivalent $66 Kobe beef, potato, onion and deluxe steak sauce pizza.

--Linda on Bob’s Burgers - "Just shave up to the knee. Only strippers shave above the knee...the good ones anyway."

--I haven’t been enamored with Happy Endings this season, but liked this line from Max, “I guess no one will ever love me. Now I know how webisodes feel.”
I caught a little of 24 on a marathon of AUD whatever that is. It’s amazing how much smarter Elisha Cuthbert’s airhead character is on Happy Endings than on the show where she eventually worked at CTU.

--From Colbert’s open the other night - "My guest, Chris Kluwe, is an NFL punter and gay-rights advocate. Wow, that's pretty brave for an NFL player to admit he's a punter."

Questions, comments or if you’re scared you contracted lucky playoff shingles and maybe just to be sure you need them to last through Sunday…

Things get hectic quick. From the satellite dish to your joy stick.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--F’n shingles! Are you happy now Texans?!

--I can’t recommend dining at The Pass enough. $95 for 8 courses that won’t leave you hungry is a bargain considering the ingredients, technique and creativity involved. I’ve never had a better dining experience from beginning to end. Can’t wait to save up enough pennies to do it again.

Best vegetable course of all-time.

--Megan Ganz was a writer for Community. Keyword “was.” She was damn good and is worth a follow @MeganGanz. It’s not like anyone expected Community to run more than its 13 episodes starting next month and she did write a couple of them, but still. On the plus side she’s going to Modern Family which could use her or anyone who doesn’t want the same episode over and over.

--As someone who has rolled through Carthage a few times in the last few months it took me way too long to get around to seeing Bernie. Jack Black was damn good as the title character. Shirley MacLaine was as "unfriendly" as she was supposed to be. A small town Texas district attorney is a layup for Matthew McConaughey. The real stars were the real townspeople the movie used. So many good quotes including this one on the jury assembled in San Augustine:
“They had more tattoos than teeth and not a brain between them all. And they’re supposed to decide a thing like this? I wouldn’t let them work on my car.”
There was also a nice explanation of the five states of Texas from West Texas to San Antonio to Dallas to Houston to Carthage. “Course I left out the panhandle…and a lot of people do.”

--I'm a sucker for time travel so of course I was down with Looper. Solid flick with bonus, Garrett Dillahunt.  I like the Rainmaker.  My new puppy (thanks mom) can also be called a Rainmaker.  Actually, I'm still in tryouts for names...Omar, Bodie, Gus, Nucky, Buscape (City of God), Django, Riggins, Ghost, Shaggydog, Tyrion, Chalupa Batman, Archer.  And that's after I narrowed it down.

--Only a couple of people can get me to go out to a theater, even Sundance. Tarantino. Nolan. So yeah, I Django'd over the weekend. Loved it. Christoph Waltz and Samuel L. Jackson were terrific and really everyone was pretty strong except for Mr. Brown/Quentin Tarantino. But hey make a movie like that and you want to throw yourself in then go right ahead.  But you make sure you go ahead and throw in Don Johnson and Walton Goggins in too.  The Klan scene is worth the price of admission in and of itself. 

Next week is a Justified one.  Yes.

--Drudge Report Headline of the Week - "Stripper tries tricky move during lap dance, falls off two-story balcony."

--Risotto. #TopChefFamousLastWords
Hate to see John Tesar go out like that. He’s infinitely more talented than maybe 2 or 3 of the 8 chefs left. And screw that dude with the handlebar mustache for offering his unsolicited opinion about John’s pots. Was John whining and making excuses? Yeah, but there’s no need to kick him while he’s down. Especially when this is like the first week you haven’t been on the bottom yourself. How that dude and Josie are still alive speaks to the yawn of a season this has been. Just give Kristen the title already.

--Wait, food stamps can't be used to buy iPads? What the hell Obama?! Tracy Browning tried to reset what exactly food stamps can be used for and in the process managed to get herself banned from all Wal-Mart stores.

--Look national morning news if you want me to believe “meggings are all the rage” then you’re going to have to show men actually wearing them instead of fashion cartoon characters like Lenny Kravitz, Justin Beiber and Russell Brand.

--In quit while they’re ahead news we have the new Astros batting practice caps that were given an A+ by Paul Lukas of ESPN. So I guess he was being serious with this description, “Did you see what they did there? The circle around the logo has a tequila sunrise gradation -- genius!” Huh? Tequila sunrise gradation?!

--Tip of the hat to @MigM_ for introducing me to Infinite Jukebox. Before I knew what happened I listed to 20 minutes of “Miss Atomic Bomb” and then another 20 minutes of “3AM Eternal.”  Not sure what the point of putting Daft Punk on Infinite Jukebox.

--Bourdain on Archer? Naturally. It must have been hard to come up with a name for him. “Bastard Chef.” Guess not.

--So what, regular Tostitos aren’t good enough to be served in cantinas?

--Ryan Hansen on Parenthood being all Ryan Hansen was a nice surprise.  The former Party Down'er has guested on Parenthood, League, Happy Endings, and Childrens Hospital lately.  Also 2 Broke Girls, but nobody's perfect.

--Am I supposed to be surprised Rex Ryan has a tattoo of his wife wearing nothing but a Mark Sanchez jersey?

--Step one: Successfully rob bank. Step two: Pleasure yourself in public until the police are called. I checked twice and this happened to a guy in Seattle and not Florida. I’m gonna check one more time to be sure though.

--Zachariah Howard decided he was going to rob a convenience store in Niceville. Niceville is in Florida so finally order has been restored. Anyway, Zachariah told the clerk he had a gun which still didn’t magically put any cash in the empty drawer. So Zachariah left, walked over to the Winn-Dixie and called his mom to pick him up. Somehow this criminal mastermind was caught.

--My favorite part of tmblr is that you don’t have to guess what the site content is. LikeWhoIsThatHotAdGirl.tumblr.com. Brilliant idea by the way.

Questions, comments or if the best part about having shingles is absolutely nothing because, fuck you shingles…