--Why would anything change as long as Gary Kubiak and Matt Schaub have the reigns? It’s very hard to be optimistic that next season won’t have a similar conclusion. There’s certainly zero reason to expect this team will ever be able to go through the Patriots to win the AFC.
--Astros blocked a Comcast on DirecTV deal just before the Rockets season started? Bravo Jim Crane, what will you do for your next trick to annoy an increasingly apathetic fan base?
I finally went to a Rockets game to watch the new scoreboard and also the Rockets. The Rockets were blown out, but my oh my, that scoreboard.
--Dave Zirin nails it with his last lines on Notre Dame and Teo and the alleged sexual assaults: “(Athletic Director) Swarbrick’s press conference displayed that the problem at Notre Dame is not just football players without a compass; it’s the adults without a conscience. Their credo isn’t any kind of desire for truth or justice. Instead it seems to be little more than a constant effort to protect the Fighting Irish brand, no matter who gets hurt.”
Swarbrick using the word “tragedy” to describe this is a joke, right? Some f’n nerve. Jezebel and The Washington Post with the recent real tragic events at Notre Dame.
--Baseball may be months away still, but that didn’t stop an Independent League team from getting ready for “Manti Te’o Girlfriend Bobblehead Day.” Yep, fans will get an empty bobblehead box. Also a pretend Kiss Cam.
--From the moment we see Ken (Like Firewater? That’s racist) from the Wamapokes we know it’s going to be a great Parks and Rec. And then we get the first televised game of Settlers of Catan?! Are you kidding me?! Molecular mixology. Roy Hibbert. Reggie Wayne and Andrew Luck. Jamm. St. Elmo. All that AND Andy with his outstanding story of love, death, betrayal, and revenge? regarding Chris and April.
Leslie – “I’m not in the mood for historical nudity.”
--I don’t even know what to say about Archer’s season premiere. I completely forgot about the Bob’s Burgers crossover that was going to happen so it was a nice surprise to see Archer Bob and the family. Apparently only the voice actress who does the wife was available which was a shame. Either way an incredible start to the season with that opening scene.
Archer/Bob – “For the…(spits out) sour mix in a margarita?! What is this Auschwitz?”
Bucket list – eat a bag of LSD gummy bears with Cheryl.
--I probably would go to church a lot more, or ever, if Boyd Crowder was delivering bible verses like he did against Preacher Billy in their bible-off. Helluva scene.
Wynn Duffy, as I live and breathe, how the hell are you son? Glad you survived your legitimately crazy friend and Raylan last season to put some odd creep into this season.
Just in time for the new season, Eating Our Words with a post on how to make apple pie whiskey.
--Our prayers worked America. Kriss Kross is reuniting. Remember when you were forced to choose between Team Daddy Mac and Team Mac Daddy? Lotta families never reconciled. Heated times. Seems silly now. Hell, I can't even remember which one was born to "Warm It Up."
--I stopped watching Shameless about 3/4s of the way through last season. I just wasn’t interested in spending any more time with those characters. I did watch this season’s premiere and liked what I saw which was Fiona, lasers, robots, and some body hacking. I just fast-forwarded through any scene that didn’t involve those things.
--There’s goodness and then there’s 17 Most Memorable One-Liners from Heathers. Perfect list. Oh how I wish Oprah had started her interview with Lance with a snotty “What's your damage, Lance?”
--“We enlist in the Navy, quickly rise through the ranks, and then we can take her to the Naval Officers Ball.” Best line Robby will ever have on New Girl. I’m glad I got to see Dennis Farina and horses together again.
--Florida. Middle school teacher. Jug of Carlos Rossi wine. This can’t be good. It wasn’t for Mary Maloney who was on a jug o’ wine bender when she crashed into a car. She decided it would be best if she fled the scene so she did. Unfortunately for her some witnesses followed her van until police caught up. Maloney offered the cops money to let her go. When that didn’t work she had no choice but to offer up the goods. If you can believe it (and you can judging by the mugshot) the cops turned her down.
--Ugh, dating is hard when The Man won’t let you handcuff yourself to a girl who isn’t interested. Am I right Jason Earl Dean? They were co-workers at a Taco Bell in Georgia and one day Jason was cool enough to wait until after she got off work before applying the handcuffs of love. For some reason she screamed and he was arrested. This happened a while back and he was finally sentenced this week. If you’re interested in this Lothario’s techniques get ready for four years in jail and six years on probation. Or try flowers.
--I watched in about five 20-minute segments, but Final Destination 5’s ending was a nice touch.
--Josie has done nothing to warrant her stay on Top Chef, but of course she stays and the uber-talented Kristen goes. There seems to be 12 ways to still win it even if you’re kicked off so I don’t think that’s the last of Kristen, but if it is that’s a shame. She’s probably one of the two most talented people who remained this week. If not her, then go Brooke!
--Paste with a list of its 25 albums of 2013 it's most looking forward to. Number 1 is Arcade Fire which I’ve never really listened to after being bludgeoned with “Wake Up.” However, LCD Soundsystem’s James Murphy as a contributor on the new one? I’m in.
--Good: John Harris returning to daytime radio. Bad: 1560 letting go of Del and the Taskmaster. Also bad: Dynamo games that I liked being able to listen to at night while driving around are now on the
--Richard Marx is probably at the head of the class when it comes to 80’s stars on the Twitter. But this is all kinds of awesome. “I’ve been getting emails from some guy who says he’s Richard Marx. I think it’s an impostor. The only thing that makes me think it might really be Richard Marx is that it’s from an AOL account.”
--I watched the first couple of episodes of Girls last season as the show was winding down. I assumed I wouldn’t like it and it didn’t do anything to dissuade my initial hesitation, but it had enough funnies to keep me interested. Also Allison Williams. Then it really started clicking halfway through and Adam made one of the more complete in-season turnarounds for a character in a comedy I’ve ever seen. What I’m saying is I like Girls.
I had no idea they were father-daughter.
--Of all the states I'm thinking Florida should be the last to ban drones from spying on its citizens.
--The Killing has been renewed. Cue tumbleweed.
--Don’t you hate it when you take the time to go to a car dealership, bust out the windows of 20 cars and then leave your wallet behind at the dealership? Forrest Randall doesn’t. At least he must not because that’s what genius did.
--Might be time to check if you have Fox Soccer because FXX is going to be taking it over apparently as FX’s comedy arm. Apparently the next seasons of The League and Sunny will be on it and I guess eventually FX’s other comedies like Archer and Sons of Anarchy.
Questions, comments or if you don’t really know what the hell you’re doing…