You missed two classes and no homework. But your teacher preaches class like you're some kind of jerk.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--I had high hopes for "Across the Sea", but I curbed my enthusiasm after watching the first 15 minutes of a clunky Lost. I knew we were in trouble once I saw those child actors and more specifically those Bieber-bangs on Boy in Black. Jacob came across as a whiny hippie mama’s boy while Man in Black’s plight was certainly more sympathetic. And really you can’t give us a name for him yet?

You’d think the keeper of something that maintains goodness in the world wouldn’t murder a defenseless woman who just gave birth to twins. Murdered mom was Guardo’s girl from The Shield, Lela Loren. I don’t like the introduction of someone so key whose actions are explained so vaguely. I suppose we’ll learn more about the hokey light later and maybe Desmond takes Smokey Locke in it one more time and that kills him? I don’t know.

Didn’t make a lot of sense to have that flashback to season one when Jack and Kate stumbled across the “Adam and Eve” skeletons. One, I think most people were aware of the connection. Two, didn’t it make most people think of what Jack said about the skeletons being 40 or 50 years old? Three, how hot was Kate back in season one? So Man in Black’s body is dead, but Smokey took his physical appearance? So why was Man in Black telling Kate about his mommy issues if that was really Smokey?

I think this episode answered a lot of questions with “because” or “I’m special.” Kinda weak at this stage in the game to not have more thought out answers. I also think this could have and should have been shown much sooner this season. If the goal was to temper expectations for a great final few episodes then mission accomplished.

On the plus side we were given Connect Four Million from Kimmel.

--Interesting/infuriating interview with the Lost guys from my favorite television critic, Alan Sepinwall, in which the Lost producers essentially say, “F U we ain’t got explain sh** to you. It’s that way, because.” Well that may be a little harsh. May be. I’m just pissed we’ll never get the outrigger shoot-out scene we’ve been waiting for since last season.

--Chuck and House each had its lowest ratings this week since their respective first seasons. This appendix to Chuck’s third season hasn’t been all that good. The first two seasons were a lot of fun and chock full of the pop culture references that have all but disappeared. Was nice to see Julia Ling/Anna back.

--ABC picked up a pilot that will probably suck (family with superpowers), but it does have Michael Chiklis and Julie Benz and we like Julie Benz.

--If you’re looking for something to watch football-related that doesn’t have to do with Brian Cushing then let me once again suggest Big Fan with Patton Oswalt. Weird, good stuff. Plus he hates the Cowboys, just not as much as he hates the Eagles and Michael Rappaport.

--Jackass of the Week comes to us from a track meet in California. South Pasadena High School pole vaulter Robin Laird thought she had won a meet. Little did she know she would test positive for using a PEFB – Performance Enhancing Friendship Bracelet. Thankfully a hero of a coach from another school pointed out Robin’s absolutely illegal and unforgivable sin. Mike Knowles was the coach of the team that would have finished 2nd in the meet to Robin’s school, but after Robin was disqualified Knowles’ Monrovia High won the meet. Some people actually want Knowles to defend his actions, “It's unfortunate, that's all I can say. It's unfortunate for the young lady. But you've got to teach the kids that rules are rules." Indeed. Please enlighten us more Coach Wooden, I mean Knowles, "I didn't notice the bracelet until after she cleared the height and walked by. [I had] a sinking feeling for her. I didn't want to have to do it. But it's a real rule -- it's in the book -- not something I made up. About 10 years ago, I had a girl who wore an earring in the 4x400 relay and it ended up costing us a CIF title. I feel bad for what happened, but I guarantee you she'll never wear jewelry during a track meet again." Well if it cost you a title you certainly want to make sure it costs someone else a title. An eye for an eye and all that. Jackass.

--Good review in the Houston Press of Pola’s Artisan Cheeses here in Houston. We had Drew on Southbound Food before and were lucky enough to sample the cheeses. You can find them at some restaurants like Catalan or farmer’s markets or I think Whole Foods, but wherever you see them, buy them. You won’t regret it. The Shiner beer bath tomme was incredibly good and just the right amount of beer flavor to cheese flavor. Charoomy had a soft, edible rind that was fantastic. There was also a blue cheese that I can’t remember the name of, but Lance didn’t choke on it and that’s saying something for blue cheese when it comes to LZ.

--Who the hell cares about who’s announcing the Emmy nominations? Me, now that Sofia Vergara and Joel McHale are doing the announcing. Depending on which I most recently watched I go back and forth between Modern Family and Community as not only Best New Comedy, but Best Comedy.

--I don’t have a tweeting problem no matter what those closest to me may say. If you do have one and you do think you just fired off the most hilarious tweet in the history of tweets then typedtweets.com is for you. $5 gets you your tweet typed up on an old-fashioned typewriter and then they’ll mail it to you on fancy, schmancy paper.

--Kristen Bell is back on Party Down this week…or she’s not I don’t know I’m not the f’n TV Guide. Just wanted to run this pic Big Lead put up this week.

--Straight Outta L.A. wasn’t all that memorable especially Al Davis’ face which should have been pixeled out. But it did get me to revisit NWA on my iPhone so that’s been good. Those boys were really angry a lot, huh?

--If you’re missing Boondocks on Adult Swim every Sunday night you’re missing out. So far we’ve had commentary on Barack’s election/inauguration and the Souljah Boy/Ice-T goodness. What’s next? I don’t know, but the more Huey and Riley the better.

--I don’t think we’re buying a full slate of Rockets season tix next season, but I’m LOL and occasionally LMAO at their marketing tactics to bring you back in.

Our chills, they were multiplyin’ during 2009-2010 season.

You better shape up, cause I need a fan. I can’t keep putting myself out there like this. Starting May 19th, I’ll be open to new relationships for 2010-2011.

--Pretty smart of EA to enlist the help of we the people to come up with some one-liners for it to use in the next NBA Jam.

Questions, comments or if you’re not sure what to call it when a basketball was involved, but you, yourself weren’t actually playing basketball despite the sweat-drenched shirt and sore ankle…