Monday, June 15, 2009

But Yo I'm Out And I'm Gone. I'll Tell You Now I Keep It On And On.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Last Saturday was one of those nights when UFC and boxing collided and it was boxing with the Fight of the Night. Miguel Cotto v. Joshua Clottey was just fantastic stuff from the sound of the bell to the announcing of the decision. How in the hell Cotto knocked Clottey down with a jab in the first in those closing seconds I'll never know. Clottey doesn't go down and off a jab, albeit a hard one, but still. Then the accidental headbutt opened up that gusher over Cotto's left eye and messed with him the rest of the way. Later Clottey slipped and that affected him for a while. In the end Cotto got the decision and looked like a guy who just got his ass kicked for 12 rounds. Clottey, on the other hand, looked like he did before the first round. Which is why 116-111 Cotto is a f'n joke. Cotto is one tough warrior s.o.b., but I would have given it to Clottey by a point even with his slowing down in the championship rounds. Great stuff and ain't no way either is beating Pacquiao.

--Damn I missed True Blood. They took everything everyone liked about season one (nudity, hot chick fangbangers) and just added more of it for the premiere of season two. And we haven't even seen lesbian vampire queen Evan Rachel Wood yet. Good luck Lafayette.

--Your Boyfriend of the Week comes to us from Vegas. Jonathan Weaver had a problem on Tuesday. He wanted to go to a minor league baseball game. His girlfriend wanted him to babysit her 1 and 2-year-olds while she went off to school. And so Jonathan's master plan to instead watch the NBA Finals was hatched. First he put the kids in their car seats and then bound their hands. He bounded their hands so they wouldn't mess up his tools. Oh did I mention he left them in the garage? Yeah after securing them he headed down to a pub for some underage drinking since he is all of 20. Oddly enough the police got involved. So how was Jonathan gonna justify garage-time? No worries, "because they have had campouts inside" the garage. Let's see the charges: kidnapping, child abuse, attempted murder. It would really be sad if his girlfriend was pregnant with Jonathan's. So of course that's the case.

--Turns out TBS isn't going to save Earl so Earl is done. Adios sweet Catalina.

--Top Chef Masters was about what I expected considering the format. Sure you’d expect a “Master” to know the difference between a cooler and a freezer, but hey he’s from Dallas so what do you expect? A lot of “Masters” are going to be humbled and that’s not a bad thing. Can’t wait to see Michael Chiarello. Top Chef Masters: Lost edition this week = Awesome.

--F'n genius!

--I caught the last 15 minutes of Joe Buck Live and Artie Lange verbally b-slapped Joe Buck so apparently I like Joe Buck Live. Wait, nevermind, I kept watching.

--Paul Shaffer turned down the role of George Costanza?!

--Rihanna and Rashard?!

--There is nothing, NOTHING, like a Game 7 in the Stanley Cup Finals.

--Really VY you don't need to do any more interviews. No, really.

--What? I'm supposed to be surprised that 12 miles into a 50-mile charity bike ride Jim Calhoun crashed, broke five ribs, dusted himself off, finished the race and then collapsed from dehydration and trauma? It's Jim Calhoun, just another Saturday for him.

--You thought the Astros were old, the Long Beach Armada have both Jose Lima and Hideki Irabu in its rotation.

--How ya gonna arrest an artistic genius who could create a Barrel Monster? Smoking Gun goodness.

--Imagine That another crappy Eddie Murphy movie opening 6th. Pelham 1, 2, 3 = 3. Go figure. It's like America was smart about is movie choices for one week.

--Wait, Ben from Lost is married to waitress Arlene from True Blood?!

--Oh Florida, you so crazy. We head to Brooksville for some dress code and quote fun. The City Council approved a dress and appearance policy. It covers the usual with the added bonus of "forcing" employees to use deodorant and underwear. Now how you're gonna enforce that I don't know. Neither does Mayor Bernardini who cast the lone dissenting vote. Speak Mr. Mayor, "They said you had to wear undergarments, but who's going to be the judge of that? Sometimes when it comes to certain people going bra-less, it's obvious. But who's staring to see if that person doesn't have underwear on?" Former council member, Mary Staib, tried to get this passed a long time ago when a sexual harassment suit came up. Staib with the Quote of the Week, "Men have it hard enough just to do a day's work and not be enticed by a woman who is not dressed properly. If you have to bend over for the bottom file . . . that would entice any man, unless he is not completely a man." Indeed.

Questions, comments or if you stepped up to the tee last Wednesday right after introducing yourself to Kevin Sumlin and you impressed him by driving at least a good 5 yards past the ladies’ tee box…

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