That hypocrite smokes two packs a day...

Break Check

The Astros score about as often as the U.S. soccer team, they have three regulars hovering around .240, Phil Garner still gives playing time to a .200 hitter, their catcher is fresh off an 0-40 stretch, their stud closer has a 5.18 ERA, three starters have ERAs over 5.00, their ace has lost back to back complete games, they insist on that dumb attendance quiz instead of the old school multiple choice way it worked at the ‘Dome, .500 baseball feels like .750 ball and yet the Astros find themselves merely three games behind the division leading Cardinals. I guess, that’s baseball or more specifically National League baseball where .500 allows you to start printing playoff tickets. It hasn’t been pretty and there are a lot of teams in between the Astros and the division much less the wild card, but you’ve got to like their chances. It won’t take a miracle it’ll just take more solid starting pitching, some managerial decisions that make sense and I don’t think three runs a game is too much to ask for. I don’t think a sweep of the Cardinals is too much to ask for either. So let’s make this the last time .500 is looked at as something positive.

--Roy Oswalt losing back-to-back complete games was the first time an Astro has accomplished that sad feat since 1979 when J.R. Richard did it.

--Friday night the Dodgers are going for a Guinness record for “largest Bingo house in the world.” They’re playing the Giants and expecting 50,000 and everyone gets a bingo card. Just another wild and crazy Friday night in L.A.

--Funniest thread title I’ve seen in a long time….
If Billy Joel redoes “We Didn’t Start the Fire” he should include Jonathan Papelbon.

--Carl Everett got into a shouting match with his manager Mike Hargrove before a game on the 4th?! This can’t be the same Carl Everett who doesn’t believe dinosaurs ever roamed the earth, can it?

--Albert Pujols reached 2,000 bases the other day in just his 854th game. That’s faster than any other active player reached 2,000. Who did it the next fastest? Bonds? Junior? A-Rod? Nope, it was none other than deserving All-Star Nomar Garciaparra who did it in 869 games.

--Sammy Sosa wants to come back next season?

And Then There Were Two…

March Madness never disappoints and neither does the World Cup. Incredible. Yeah, the U.S. squad would’ve lost to the Ladybugs and we have to wait four more years for redemption. But the games have been out-freakin’-standing. The Germany/Italy semifinal was just stoopid. Great, exciting play for a game that was 0-0 heading into OT. I don’t like penalty kicks deciding games of that magnitude so I was somewhat happy Italy scored. They just remind me a little too much of the Spurs with all that crying. Imagine Germany and France in the final. I’m not positive, but I think there’s a history between those two. Oh well, Italy and France should be a helluva show.

--If you need more reasons to like the World Cup, beyond the fact there are no commercials and when they say the game starts at 2 that means the game starts at 2, then maybe these ladies can get you interested…
Frightening, funny, disturbing and happy all in one logo.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--The newest in video crack: FIFA ’06.

--I’m sure this can’t be true, but RVD and Sabu were pulled over last weekend and busted for marijuana and vicodin. By the way, RVD’s real name is Robert Alex Szatowski while Sabu’s is Terry Michael Brunk. Sabu is a Terry?!

--It doesn’t get much better than this You Tube link to all the full-length cartoons you can imagine. From Animaniacs to Heckle and Jeckle to Justice League to my personal favorite, Beast Wars.


--I’m not saying every single person in Santa Cruz, California is an idiot, but the city did just have its “2nd Annual Old Time Flag Burn” to “celebrate” July 4th. Co-organizer Sha Lar says it’s a celebration of the 1st Amendment and not a protest, "It seemed like a good idea to burn some flags just because we can." Great logic.

--First there was the unfortunate incident with a chandelier in the shower of a London gym. Now this weekend, according to the always-reliable Sun, David Hasselhoff was kicked out of Centre Court at Wimbledon because he was a little tipsy. The aIways-100% factual Sun quoted a security guard saying of the Hoff, “He was steaming drunk.” Now I’ve been ****faced drunk, drunk off my buttocks, p*** drunk, drunk as a skunk, but I’ve never been “steaming drunk.” Something to shoot for, I guess.

--In even more drunken news…the Humphreys had a fun time in Milan, Michigan over the weekend. The husband and wife were at a bar, presumably steaming drunk, when they decided to leave. The two got into an argument and she got out of the truck and he drove on. Later the loving husband went back to fetch wifey. Problem being wifey was passed out in a ditch. Oh and she was missing an arm. Yeah, in a ditch and missing an arm. No one has a clue as to what happened and she’s in serious condition. Oh those Saturday nights in Milan, Michigan.

--This is just a rumor and likely won’t happen, but apparently Lost co-creator Damon Lindelof has mentioned the possibility of doing like five seasons of Lost and then closing out the series with a cinematic release. I hope not. I don’t want to look like those Star Wars geeks who camp out days ahead of the first showing. Because if Lost ends its run on the big screen then I’m ready to start standing in line tomorrow.

--Brendan Fraser as The Hulk?!

--There’s two hundred scary My Space sex predator stories to every one like this. Seventeen years ago Stephanie Lovatos gave birth to a little girl named Celina. Stephanie’s relationship with the daddy didn’t work out and she kept Celina until she felt she wasn’t able to adequately care for the little one who was two at that time. So Celina moved in with daddy and his new girlfriend. Shortly thereafter the couple disappeared with the girl who thought she was growing up with her biological mother and father. Fifteen long years passed until a relative told Stephanie, who was desperately searching, to try out My Space. So Stephanie had a friend create a profile and because Celina’s boyfriend had created one for her the two reunited last Friday. Warm fuzzy.

--Your spanking brand new official bumper sticker for the state of Pennsylvania: I Break for Shoo Fly Pie. I saw Tyler make this on Food 911 once and it did not look appetizing at all.
Yeah, I'll pass.

--Last week it was that intelligent young man digging up a grave and hacking off a skull all in the name of making a bong. This week we head to Indiana where we find 43-year-old Lucinda Jacobs. Apparently Ms. Jacobs thinks it perfectly acceptable to steal Beanie Babies off of gravesites. The police beg to differ.

--Jeff Goldblum and Nicole Richie?!

--The Emmy nominations are out and I’ll probably rant about the undeserving winners when they’re announced in late August. A few thoughts though…The Sopranos getting a nod for Outstanding Drama Series is an absolute joke particularly when you don’t see Lost nominated. Lost did win it last year it was just as good this season. The fix is in if The Office doesn’t win Outstanding Comedy Series. Jeremy Piven is a shoo-in for Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy. The Colbert Report should win, but probably won’t in Outstanding Variety, Music or Comedy.

--I’ve heard mixed things about Superman Returns and likely won’t see it until DVD time. I love Kate Bosworth, but I can’t see her pulling off Lois Lane at all. One of the movie channels has been showing the original and I watched it the other day for the first time since I was a kid. Christopher Reeve, Margot Kidder and Gene Hackman were just fantastic. Can’t forget the vital role John Ratzenberger/Cliff played as one of the engineers who helped launch and then track down the missiles.

--I thought Tony Reali was bad on Around the Horn and then Duke Castiglione showed up.

--Gnarls Barkley and the Raconteurs at the Austin City Limits Festival in mid-September if you’re looking for a trip somewhere.

--The extremely creative people at lapopart.com are at it again with this Rocky poster using every word of the script to make a pretty picture. Love this stuff.

--Props to New Jersey for shutting down all of its Atlantic City casinos because it can’t agree on a budget. You don’t look foolish at all.

Questions, comments or if you’ve ever sat in gum…