Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Like Fred Flintstone Driving Around On Bald Feet

Going To Get Worse Before It Gets Better

Looks like the Astros picked a bad year to get matched up with the American League Central. Not just the Astros, though, but the Cardinals and Reds as well. I guess that’s why I’m not feeling hopeless about this club. The one team at or above .500 in interleague in Houston’s division is Milwaukee at 6-6. The Cardinals have dropped seven straight against the AL Central including sweeps by the White Sox and Tigers. At least the ‘Stros got a game off the idiot-led Sox. The Reds are 1-5 against the Detroit/Chicago combo. The only division with at least two teams in double-digit interleague wins is the AL Central and it has three such teams with Minnesota joining the other NL-beaters. The Astros have a ton of problems that arise daily. The biggest problem right now is a very unforgiving schedule so the question is not whether or not they’ll lose, but whether or not it will be in spectacular fashion. It’s easy to get angry when the boys lose to the Royals, but losing to the Sox and Tigers is just expected as far as I’m concerned. And yet despite being a game below .500 the Astros are a mere 3.5 back in the wild card. With the exact same record the Mariners are 12 back for the AL wild card. So this is what being in the NBA’s Eastern Conference is like?

--How bad has it gotten for Morgan Ensberg? Well he’s now looking up in batting average at Adam Everett (.246-.244). Morgan is hitting .160 this month. On the bright and sun shiny side Chris Burke, Lance Berkman and Everett are all hitting .340 or above in June.

--Seriously a 9.00 ERA from the ‘Stros bullpen in Roy Oswalt starts? Pathetic. Almost as pathetic as allowing grand slams in three straight games. That was hilarious.

--Zach Miner’s win on Monday was his fourth straight. Fellow rookie Justin Verlander, who the ‘Stros will see on Wednesday, also won four straight earlier this season. They are the first pair of rookies on the same staff to win four straight starts since the ’84 Mets and ’84 Red Sox. New York did it with Dwight Gooden and Ron Darling. Some guy named Roger something or other did it in Boston with Al Nipper.

--Detroit is 37-6 when it scores first.

--How much better is the AL than the NL? Well the Royals are 7-5 in interleague play.

--The Twins have won 15 of their last 17. That’s pretty good. So good, that Minnesota picked a whole ½ game on the White Sox in the standings.

--Jason Bay leads NL outfielders in all-star voting. The last Pirate OF to start the midsummer classic? Not Barry Bonds, but Andy Van Slyke in 1993.

--The Pirates have dropped 11 in a row and now face the White Sox, Tigers and Mets. Good luck with that. The 11 straight L’s are the most the team has suffered in 51 years.

--Mets SS Jose Reyes leads the Majors in June in batting average (.430), runs (28) and steals (14) and also player of the week honors (2). Mets and Red Sox beginning Tuesday night. Wednesday we get Pedro vs. Beckett with Glavine vs. Schilling on Thursday.

--Nice job by the Phillies letting a piece of crap like Brett Myers pitch a day after eyewitnesses saw him punch his wife with a closed fist and drag her by the hair. C’mon Philly, even you are better than that. And c’mon Mrs. Myers there’s no need to go bail your pathetic husband out of jail.

Draft Time

Never has there been a draft with more question marks at the top. I feel like I have a better idea of what to expect from the second rounders than I do the first rounders. Who knows? The only guy I feel totally confident in is Brandon Roy and unless a deal happens the Rockets ain’t getting him. I have no idea what’s going to happen and that’s going to make Wednesday one fun night.

--Maybe Shelden Williams? The former Dukie is just the third player in NCAA history to score at least 1,500 points, grab 1,000 rebounds, have 350 blocks and 150 steals. The other two are Patrick Ewing and Pervis Ellison.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--My hero Kid Notorious himself, Robert Evans, is getting a divorce. If you’re scoring at home this one is # 7. Evans and Lady Victoria White nearly made it a full year.
Evans and Ali.

--If you only watch one reenactment by action figures of the Carbon Freeze Sequence in Empire this week make it this one…

--How great was the season finale of Ultimate Fighter 3? Kendall Grove and Ed Herman absolutely tore it up. Great stuff and I hope to see a lot of both of them in the future. It was slightly more exciting than Calvin Brock on Boxing After Dark.

--San Antonio has overtaken San Diego for 7th among the nation’s most populous cities. Now you know.

--I haven’t watched this week’s episode, but the first two of Deadwood have been out-freakin’-standing. Bullock and Swearengen vs. Hearst?!

--Jay-Z and Beyonce no more?! I don’t believe in anything anymore.

--The Coreys are going to star in a show playing fictionalized versions of themselves a la Curb Your Enthusiasm. This has potential.
Best Coreys collaboration ever.

--Two weeks ago it was the Zombie character. Last week Macho Libre, OH YEEAAHHHH!!!!! This week who knows what ECW will bring…as long as the exhibitionist is still part of the show who cares.

--Entertainment Weekly came out with its list of the top 25 most controversial films ever. Number 25 is Aladdin for some line that apparently offended Arabs, imagine that. 23 is Kids, which was just a little disturbing. Do the Right Thing I thought would be higher than 22. I mean it was more controversial than # 19 Basic Instinct, right? United 93 at 16. The War-ri-ors at 14.
It doesn’t get much better than that. Yawn, The Da Vinci Code at 13. Natural Born Killers at 8. I guess having 12 murders linked to it got this on the list. I thought The Birth of a Nation and The Last Temptation of Christ would make the top five, but they check in at 7 and 6 respectively. JFK at 5 with Deep Throat at 4. Fahrenheit 9/11 at 3.
A Clockwork Orange at 2. Probably going to be in the top five if you were banned in England, home of director Stanley Kubrick, for nearly 27 years. It wasn’t officially available until 2000. And your most controversial movie ever according to EW is…wait for it…Mel Gibson’s Lethal Weapon 4…or Passion of the Christ. One of those.

--Next on Comedy Central’s celebrity roast will be William Shatner. It has yet to be filmed, but will air on August 20th. There's no way this matches Pamela Anderson's right?

--Roger Dier and rats get along fine. The 67-year-old had 1,000 of them in his one bedroom house near San Francisco. For some strange reason neighbors reported him to the police. Dier was cited for animal cruelty. Huh? Did I miss something? We are talking about rats, right? Animal cruelty? 75 of Dier’s little buddies had to be euthanized because they were sick or injured. The remaining 800 to 900 are now up for adoption. Adoption?!?

--Big surprise…ESPN Mobile debuted in February and through May had just 10,000 customers sign up. Maybe because the commercials suck and are shown just as often as Heineken’s “Don’t Cha.” When will technology allow us to video mute those spots when they are shown? By the way, if you sign up for ESPN Mobile you’ll get exclusive analysis of the NBA draft from Steve Lavin so you got that going for you.

--Is there anything more worthless on the ESPN family of channels than paintball championships?

--Gotta love this week’s set of prostitution photos from Saint Paul, Minnesota. The world's oldest profession certainly seems glamorous.

--If for some strange reason you actually want to watch Paris Hilton’s clothes-on video debut then here ya go.

--The Hulkster is selling the home you see on Hogan Knows Best. If you’re interested and have $25 million lying around then I say go for it. Nice to see Eric Bischoff and Wayne from Wonder Years trying to get Hulk to endorse some things such as a grill and energy drink. I’m sure that’ll work out well.

--If you can afford the $40,000 membership and $3,600 annual dues then you can probably shell out $100 for the new burger at the Boca Raton Resort and Club. It’s comprised of American prime beef, Kobe beef and Argentine cattle. The most expensive burger commercially available is the Double Truffle Burger at DB Bistro Moderne in NYC. It will only set you back $120.

Questions, comments or if you once got busy in a Burger King bathroom...

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